Maaaan, that cast list is huge.  It's a big ol' hunk a' burnin' actors, 's all 'm sayin'.  Okay, here's how this particular page works.  It's big.  Reeaalll big.  CCB and I gave you a boatload of people to choose from when deciding what characters to use.  The heroes are here at the top.  The villains are down towards the bottom.  But first of all, we've got to pick a director...

Why The X-Men? Well, because it's been percolating for years.  Despite the fact that the comic book has gone to hell in a handbasket (I'm sorry, excuse me I meant all FIFTEEN of the X-Books) and whoever is in charge of continuity over there needs to be shot--it would still make a groovy film.  So, resident comic book fiend-in-denial CCB and I got a big keg of Surge and sat down to bring this cast list into unreality.  If you'd like to get the latest dirt on the actual project, again just click Here to go directly to Corona-Land and see.

What's the scoop?  Okay, everything I've heard says that the movie will involve Wolverine joining the team.  I say, "What?  Are you crazy?"  In my never to be humble opinion, you'd be much better off showing the X-Men from the perspective of the youngest member, Kitty Pryde.  You should have her coming to the Xavier School, and show, from the perspective of a teenager (think--bringing in the kiddies--which means $$$ but also PG-13, but oh well) how weird and wonderful and wacky the life of a mutant is.  In fact, the poster we've designed here courtesy of DIY Graphics has Kitty, shown from the back, approaching the mansion, with the other X-Men standing in front of the building in silhouette.  The caption (and you X-Fans have seen it ripped off so many times you know what's coming) reads:  "Welcome to the X-Men, Kitty Pryde.  Hope you survive the experience."

Now, the big question is not what the plot will contain (see the Villains section for more ideas on that) but what mutants will be in the team when Kitty arrives.  We went ahead and cast pretty much every damn one so pick and choose.  The ones we really, really want are Cyclops, Jean Grey, Iceman, Beast, Angel, Storm, Colossus, Nightcrawler, Wolverine, and Rogue.  I know, I know.  I can hear you moaning and groaning--but as CCB keeps reminding me--we've only got 2.5 hours in which to introduce all of these people and then have them go off into battle.  Of course there'll be a sequel, so panic not.

Directed by James Cameron: Bryan Singer is tapped to direct the project in the real world (the thing itself, not the MTV television show).  We think Bryan's cool and all and we'll come up with some project we want him to work on for us.  For this show, however, you need someone who can make you care about multiple characters and still be able to blow stuff up really good.  Yeah, we thought you'd agree.

Patrick Stewart as Professor Charles Xavier: Okay.  This was one of the easiest difficult decisions.  The only other person that came up in the heavily caffeinated discussions was Ben Kingsley, but we kept with the majority on this one.  Stewart has the voice.  Stewart can command authority.  And just imagine Stewart saying "To me, my X-Men!"  Yeah.  We thought you'd agree.

Lacey Chabert as Kitty Pryde:  Many, many names were bandied about for this one.  In our version, she's the main character, so who to have?  Well, we have a cornucopia of talented young actresses who could play the future Shadowcat.  Among them were Natalie Portman and Larisa Oleynik.  However, Lacey Chabert is the right age, she's got the look, and she's a great actress.  So when Maggie-neat-o comes a calling, you know she'll give him what for!

Ralph Fiennes as Cyclops:  Oooh, this was a hard one.  Man, we beat our heads, gnashed our teeth, and tore at our garments.  You have to have somebody "Slim," you have to have a born leader, and you have to have someone who kicks ass.  I mean, come on--you know Cyclops kicks ass.  He was the first X-Man, for crying out loud.  Richard Gere and Val Kilmer were in there as well, but I pushed this one through myself.  Ralph has got the build, and he can act.  I even went and saw The English Patient and spent a whole scene envisioning him in the visor and all.  I think it works, so hand him the ruby glasses and let's get to work.

Joanne Whalley as Jean Grey:  Again, another toughie.  Jean is one of the pillars of the X-Men, so you've got to have someone who is not only beautiful but can kick major buttocks at the drop of a hat.  For a long, long while we were saying Elle Macpherson should be the second strongest telepath on earth.  We were also thinking of Julianne Moore, but then we remembered...Willow.  Oooooh, yeah.

Robin Williams as Beast:  Okay, for Mrs. McCoy's bouncing baby boy, we're picturing the Beast of late, where he's not only furry and blue, but spouting multisyllabic words all the time.  We think Robin is an excellent choice.  He's already hairy, and he can say the lines and be the intellectual that Hank needs to be.  Now, since we're voting on the blue and furry incarnation of the Beast, you have a choice.  You can either CGI Robin up or try actual makeup.  Considering they turned John Leguizamo from a skinny hispanic guy into The Clown in Spawn, I am convinced anything is possible with makeup.

D.B. Sweeney as Iceman:  Okay, we're going with the clowning around Bobby Drake and not the brooding guy of late (although his powers are finally getting cool as hell).  We think that the same FX that gave us the T-1000 in T2 can give us a really cool ice dude.  Now, we were all set to go with Eric Stoltz, an SDI favorite, but then we remembered another guy who is just as cool and just as good at being both a cut-up and a serious hero-type.  Yeah.  We liked him in Strange Luck, we liked him in Cutting Edge -- hell, we even liked him in his smaller role in Spawn.  We like ya, D.B.  What can we say?

Matthew McConaughey as Angel:  Okay, we're going with the original Warren incarnation--i.e., none of that blue skin crap, and none of that blades for wings shite.  It's cool and all but we like him as the old Angel.  Archangel--save for a later sequel.  I'm sure that CGI feathers will look great on our buddy, Matthew.

Kenneth Branagh as Banshee: Hey, don't get me wrong.  Jeremy Ratchford did a good turn as Sean Cassidy in the Gen X TV movie, but we here at DreamCasts figure if you're going to cast The X-Men you might as well think big.  And hey, Ken's Irish.  He's from Northern Ireland.  But keep that cool rippling effect from the TV movie, though.

Eric Schweig as Thunderbird:  It's unfortunate that this character bites it.  I mean, it happened in the comic eons ago, so everyone knows about it.  And hey, I guess you could include him in the flick if the story called for someone to bite the big cheese enchilada.  Regardless, you might remember Eric from The Last of the Mohicans.  A perfect choice to play the Native American super-athlete.

Vivica A. Fox as Storm:  What a great character.  So we needed someone who could kick some major butt, because Ororo Munroe went from African goddess to punk chick to leader of the group.  I think for the first film, Cyclops would be the head honcho--but don't forget--Storm kicked his ass without any powers of her own.  We think Vivica A. Fox would be able to pull it off.  Go ahead, picture her with the white hair.  Yeah, we thought you'd like it.

Andrew Bryniarski as Colossus:  Okay.  You know and I know who would be perfect to play Piotr.  Yeah, that's right. Big Arnold himself.  He would be dead on--but for one problem.  Arnie, you may look really good for 50...but you're still 50.  Piotr's not much older than Kitty for crying out loud!  Sigh.  So we had to scramble about a bit to find someone who could pull off everyone's favorite Russian behemoth.  Okay, but do this, guys.  Use CGI stuff to make the bad boy metal, and then have him be just a bit reflective.  Can you imagine Colossus walking up to, I don't know, a newsstand, and you see the headlines reflected in his metal skin?  Is that just not the coolest?  We feel very keen just for thinking it up....

Harry Connick Jr. as Nightcrawler:  Okay, this gave us some problems for a bit.  Many names were bounced about. Too many to list here.  Trying to find someone who could be the lithe furry elf was a hard one.  And some people might say, "Harry?"  But hey, everything we've seen Harry in we've liked him in.  Independence Day did right by him, and for myself, personally, he was the only part of Memphis Belle I liked.  So go figure.  I just wonder if he can speak German.  Lots of cool dark makeup, some of those funky prosthetics for the hands and feet and then a CGI tail.

Fred Ward as Wolverine:  Now.  This one had us pacing the floor and throwing dead cats about.  We mentioned several people, but finally I said Harvey Keitel.  Harvey's got the 'tude and the know-how.  But our buddy Fred's not too shabby himself.  We figure give him the adamantium (I know, you've forgotten what that is after so long of him without it in the comics) and the corresponding claws which could rigged rather nicely.  Oh, yeah.  Don't forget the special Logan 'do.  Can't have it without that.

Julianne Moore as Polaris:  We know that she was kind of a third-stringer in the group and all, but if she's not in this film she should be in the sequel.  Go see Havok in the Villains section for the good word as to why.  Anyway, for some reason, after we decided on Whalley for Jean, Julianne fell right into place as the resident queen of magnetism.  She'd make green hair look superb.

Dennis Quaid as Gambit:  Okay, I was saying Cary Elwes for this role.  He needs to have a good role, since he's been relegated to playing either a dickhead (See The Jungle Book ) or the villain (See Twister ).  Not to say he's not good at either of those roles--cause he is--but...I don't know.  Maybe we're just waiting for him to top his performance in The Princess Bride.  Yeah.  Like that will ever happen.  Okay--I know I had a point here.  Oh, right.  SDI Director of Espresso Beans, CCB, brought up Dennis Quaid.  And oooh.  We like Quaid.  And he's already shown he could do the Orleans thing in The Big Easy.  So all right.  We're convinced.

Michael Dorn as Bishop:  First I wanted Ving Rhames.  Because Ving is the man.  No contest.  Even really bad movies are watchable if Ving's in them.  (For example, oh I don't know -- Striptease, maybe?)  If there is any doubt that Ving is the man, go watch Rosewood.  And it's not even Ving's normal lack of hair that makes him a no-go for Bish (I just spotted an ad for Ving playing Don King--so there goes the "used to seeing Ving with no hair" bit.  Ving is powerful, but short and stocky.  Dorn has the attitude down, and has the build to match our favorite enforcer with a grim outlook and a big gun.

Tea Leoni as Rogue:  Throw that Southern drawl on her and let's go.  What more can I say?

Tia Carrere as Psylocke:  She's one I'm not sure if you would have in the first film.  Simply because you're going to have fifteen X-Men as it is.  And if there's anything we've learned from the Batman fiascoes (it pains me to call them films), less is sometimes more.  Regardless, we would choose the ninja version of Betsy Braddock.  Although, if you think about it, you could have the pre-ninja version with one actress, and then bring Tia in to play Psylocke post-ninjafication.  Hmmm.

Larisa Oleynik as Jubilee:  Now, the teenage firecracker (who winds up in the Generation X group) would probably not show up until the second or third movie (if she showed up at all).  We like her, but for it to make sense, she would need to come in after our friend Katherine Pryde.  And just as an aside, Heather McComb did well as Jubilation Lee in the TV movie of Gen X, but we're trying to distance ourselves from other versions of the project--just so ours will kick so much more ass than the real one.

Nicole Kidman as Moira MacTaggert:  We're going to need a token human around, right?  No, we're kidding.  Still, it would be nice to have Moira around to provide some needed "normalcy" for Kitty to feel she hasn't left the Earth completely.  We think if you give Kidman the hair and the glasses, just to "frump" her up a bit--she would be able to provide a necessary supporting role for the film.
 

The Villains. What's the scoop?  The scoop is as follows--you gotta have the villains, and yet you don't want to do the Batman franchise mistake and have three or more in the same film.  (I can't wait until they get to Batman 8 and the only villain they haven't used/killed is Zsasz or Catman or something.)  So you've got a couple of options.  For the first film, we discussed maybe doing someone else other than Buckethead, but there's no use.  You gotta have Magneto in the first film.  It's a moral imperative.  And in our opinion--JUST MAGNETO.  You'll be too busy introducing the audience to the good mutants to have too many of the bad.  And Magneto's a tough cookie by his lonesome.  Then you can move on to X-Men 2, with the Brotherhood, and X-Men 3, with the Hellfire Club.  We want to put some Sentinels in there somewhere.  I just want to see a live-action Colossus/Wolverine fastball special with Wolvie going right through one of those bad boys' heads.  Too cool.  See individual explanations below for more goods.

Jeremy Irons as Magneto: We took a bit to sort this out.  For a while, we had decided on Christopher Lambert and that was pretty much it.  Then, we began to ponder the dynamic of Stewart as Professor X against whoever would be Maggie.  Lambert is a really cool guy, but we decided we wanted someone who knew could be evil.  He could even handle being a good guy if you did flashbacks to when Magnus and Charles were buddies, but when he would start throwing things around, spouting out about homo superior...you would know that he meant business.  So there it is.

Michael Biehn as Havok:  Picking the actor was easy, but we weren't sure what to do with the character.  We're kind of taking our spin off of recent developments in the X-Books, specifically X-Factor.  Havok is now the head of a kinder, gentler Brotherhood of Evil Mutants.  We'd meet somewhere in the middle.  Our X-Men movie has Alex Summers as the field general of Magneto.  At some point during the film, Kitty sees an old picture of the X-Men, with Alex and Scott together, doing that brotherly chummy thing.  Kitty asks, "Who is that?  Your brother?"  And the whole team gets deadly silent and looks to Cyclops.  Cyclops says, "Yes.  That was my brother."  The issue gets dropped like a stone.

Now--cut to the end of the first film, when Magneto's underground base gets blown to smithereens and Magneto disappears (although everyone knows that no one stays dead in the Marvel Universe).  Cut to another base somewhere else, where you see a figure in a black costume standing in front of a large monitor screen.  On the monitor we see the destruction of Magneto's base.  Avalanche walks in and stands next to the guy in black.  "So I guess you were right," he says.  "All we had to do was wait."  "That's right," the guy in black says.  "So I guess this means you're in charge of the Brotherhood," Avalanche says.  The guy in black turns--and DUN-DUN- DUNNNN!!!  It's Cyclops' brother, Havok!  And he's a baddie!  Holy shite!  What incredible irony!  (pause)  Okay, maybe it won't be that impressive to those of you who would've recognized Havok from the back or those of you who've read this page and now know our big secret.  But you gotta admit it's better than some sequel set-ups you've seen....or most of them....and it gives Cyclops a high stake in the outcome of X-Men 2.

Steve Buscemi as Mastermind:  "Well, he was kinda funny looking."  Granted, I just remembered that we don't have a Jason Wyndegarde (sp?--I'm senile) version of him, but we'll figure out something.  Otherwise, SDI favorite Buscemi would make a great master of illusion.

Michael Rooker as Avalanche:  One of the fun things about the Brotherhood is handing these really great evil roles to great character actors.  Rooker is one of those actors that hasn't gotten household name status, but trust us--you've seen him.  Put him in the armor with the colander on his head and let's go.

Tim Roth as Pyro:  "I am the god of hellfire, and I bring you--" Roth.  Now granted he's not an Aussie, but you know he could pull it off.  And I think he'd have a ball with big-ass CGI fire birds and stuff.

Courtney Cox as Mystique:   Okay, now movie buff first class CCB came up with this one.  At first, we were suspicious.  But let's think for a second here.  She's the member of the Friends cadre who has actually had some success on the big screen (i.e. Scream ), and she had a bit of a mean streak in that selfsame flick.  So I say--paint her blue.  Employ some neat morphing FX and I bet she'd have a helluva lotta fun with the role.

Clancy Brown as Sabretooth:  Go ahead--debate me.  Everyone knows that Clancy is the man to play Sabretooth.  Highlander started the talk and Starship Troopers just serves to fan the flames.  I can't think of anybody that would be a better Creed.

Brian Thompson as Mister Sinister: For a long time, I envisioned Tim Curry in the role.  He's so good at being...evil.  Think Legend.  Yeah, the root of all evil, baby.  But then, I thought about trying something else.  No offense to Tim--he's got one of the coolest voices around and we've said he can act.  I saw MK2 and realized that our favorite alien assassin from The X-Files might be just the guy instead.  It was a hard decision, but these things have to be done.  And he has what has to be the most intense chin in all of creation.

Apocalypse:  Okay.  Apocalypse is rather large and needs to be able to morph about a bit, so we're thinking just a complete CGI character.  But who to provide the voice?  The first name is a no-go, but it's an obvious choice-- James Earl Jones.  Jones has THE coolest voice in all gods' universe, but the problem is that if you cast Jones in a villain role--you've got Darth.  Plain and simple.  So what to do?  I think that you get Jones, and two other people with kick ass voices.  Perhaps Curry and--for argument's sake-- John Malkovich.  Have all three be the voice of Apocalypse and computer render the vocals so that they blend into one voice that we've not heard before.  From time to time, you think you can pick out a single voice, but you can't.  Oh--and have the roles be uncredited just so you can find out later and think how keen it all is.

Rebecca DeMornay as White Queen/Emma Frost:  Sexy, sultry, and capable of frying your brain with an eyeblink.  Yeah, who could play the ice queen better that Rebecca D.?  I ask you.

Jack Nicholson as Black King/Sebastian Shaw:  Nicholson frigging looks like Shaw, for pity's sake.  Hell, just take him out of that one scene in Witches of Eastwick and teleport him to the set of this shoot.  It would work wonderfully.

Joan Severance as Black Queen/Selene:  We almost forgot about everyone's favorite psychic vampire.  And how about that Black Queen outfit?  Thankee!  Whatever.  Regardless, we were tossing around a few ideas about who could play the flipside/seminemesis of Emma Frost, and Joan came up.  We searched around, found a photo--and it was done.

David Bowie as White Bishop/Donald Pierce:  Tall.  Gaunt.  Pale.  Aristocratic.  Don't take this the wrong way, David, but you're a shoo-in.  Think of his Pilate from Last Temptation.  Except he can lift a few tons cybernetically.  Oh, yeah.

John Goodman as Black Bishop/Harry Leland:  If you've seen Goodman with his beard action going for The Big Lebowski, then you go so far as to envision him in the Hellfire Club duds.  Perfect.

Bill Paxton as Blob:  This made us a little crazy for a bit.  We were trying to think of someone large enough to play the role.  We came up with Chris Farley and Yokozuna from the WWF.  Um, no.  And then--whacka!  I remembered Eddie Murphy's makeup in The Nutty Professor.  Which means we could cast, well, anybody.  You'd need some special FX anyway, because you remember one of the Blob's favorite tricks was to have someone punch him and then hold them fast with his vast bulk.  So we figure Paxton is the perfect guy to play the smartass Mr. Dukes.  Hey, what can we say?  He could have the right attitude.

Moira Kelly as Tessa:  For someone to play Shaw's righthand woman, you needed someone who could do the computer-like recall bit and yet look good in that outfit.  (Notice how all the Hellfire Clubbers have the coolest costumes?  Rock on.)  Moira has always been an SDI favorite, and we're very pleased to cast her here.