Louis Friend has become the first man to develop disguises that houseflies can use, thus paving the way for more insects to be able to enter into witness protection after testifying against organized crime. “The problem,” Friend stated, “has always been that well, they’d testify, but they’d get swatted by the mob–literally–within minutes of leaving court. We almost saw a case get thrown out of court after an entire day’s worth of witnesses were lost to a flystrip. Now, we can promise protection to the flies by making them unrecognizable and getting them to safety.” When it’s pointed out that houseflies don’t live that long, and most of them die before they can make it to a safehouse regardless, Friend waves that away. “That doesn’t mean they’re not people.”
Okay, we’re lying bastards. Some scientists got bored, made little glasses and stuck them on a fly. But that’s not nearly as much fun as our bullshit idea.
Maybe. Okay, well, maybe not.