By using this site, you agree not to freak out about the following:
Disclosure of Material Connections We Share With Products We Review or Endorse (Added 10/6/2009)
We talk about a variety of different products on the site. In our history, we have never accepted money in exchange for a review, positive or negative. Nor do we have any plans to, but believe me, if that changes, we’ll let you know. So that’s not an issue. However, we are sent–often–samples of products to review or feature. The majority of products you see on the site are sent to us in exchange for writing about them, so I would advise you to assume if you see it mentioned, even in passing, that we’ve received it for that purpose.
Please know that we do not promise the people who send us these free things–be they books, DVDs, comics, movie passes, or whatever–a positive review. If anything, when writing a feature, we will discuss what the product has to offer with the assumption that somebody, somewhere, would want it. Even amongst members of the staff we have differing opinions as to what’s good and what’s not and while they are strong opinions, we realize there is room for people to like even the stuff that we, personally, think is an offense to the natural order. At most, in those cases, we will advise such fans, to the best of our ability and knowledge, if the product is worth buying towards their own fannish ends.
With reviews we are…less forgiving. If you ever have any doubts that we have been swayed by free stuff to give a review that’s more positive than we would have otherwise, I would point you to Exhibit A. Exhibit B. Exhibit C. Exhibit D. Exhibit E. Those are all items, or passes, in the case of the movies, that we got for free. It didn’t save them.
Updated 5/22/08: Also, please be aware that third parties, i.e. those that serve the ads on our site, may be placing and reading cookies on your browser, or using web beacons to collect information. For more info, check out the Third Party ads bit below.
Updated 4/8/09: We use log files. Lots of sites do this. Well, probably all sites create them but they don’t all use them. However, the stuff that are in these files are used primarily to make sure the server isn’t being abused and see which bits of the site take up too much memory. The stuff can include but is not limited to IP addresses, ISPs, and browser types. However, we can’t personally identify you by any of this nor, frankly, would we want to.
You can, however, give us certain personal data. This can happen while
registering for the Needcoffee.com Gabfest (our message board) or entering our contests or Updated 7/4/09 becoming a Needcoffee.com member. Your e-mail address or any other data you provide to us via this process is never given out to anyone outside this site without your permission or unless we’re ordered to do so by a court of law.
Please be aware that we cannot be held responsible for people taking an e-mail address that you have placed in a comment
or in a Gabfest post that you yourself created and sticking that on a spam mailing list or any other mailing list without your permission. By you posting your e-mail address anywhere on this site or any affiliated site (such as the Gabfest), you’re waiving any expectation of that e-mail address remaining private. In fact, if we find your e-mail address or phone number in a comment or message board post, and you’re someone we don’t know, we will edit that information out. Yes, I know it’s your right to open yourself up to spammers and freaks around the world, but think about it: if you’re commenting, we don’t know that you’re really you. You could very easily be posting the e-mail address and phone number of your worst enemy just to piss them off. And while they might deserve that, we won’t help you with it. And if you are somebody’s worst enemy, just thank us and move along.
There is a place
on the Gabfest sign-up and on contest sign-ups where you can opt-in to a mailing list that is given out to third parties for their use to mail you marketing info. We use this as leverage in order to get free shit to give you as contest prizes and the like. All they see is your e-mail address and your gender unless it’s a special one-off situation and then we will outline on the page in question what we’re giving them. And we never, ever give even that info out without you telling us it’s okay during one of those sign-ups. If you think you signed up for this opt-in list by mistake, just send us an e-mail at firstname.lastname@example.org and we’ll check–if you are on the list, we’ll take you off. It’s just that simple. If you opt-in on one contest, you can’t click No on the next contest and be taken off. The system doesn’t work that way. Use email@example.com to get taken off the third party information list. By opting-in to this list, though, you are giving us permission to give your e-mail address and gender to a third party company.
The only time we would give out any other personal data is if you win a contest. Sometimes the company co-sponsoring the contest (i.e., providing the free stuff) is sending stuff directly to you if you win. To do this, obviously, they need your snail mail address. By entering a contest, you are giving us permission to give your address to a third party company if you win for the sole purpose of sending you your prize. You are also giving us permission, if you win, for us to post your name and your state (or province) to the site as part of the list of winners.
Updated 7/4/09: Needcoffee.com membership/sponsorship requires a shipping address so we can ship you things, naturally. We also need your e-mail address in order to correspond with you about your membership/sponsorship. As with everything else, this information does not leave the custody of Needcoffee.com and will not be shared with anyone else without your consent.
Third Party ads via Google AdSense (Added 5/22/2008)
Google AdSense serves ads from its own ad network as well as various third party ad vendors. Some or all of the third party ad vendors may install cookies in your browser and may provide means to opt out of having their respective cookies installed. To find out which of them provide such means, please visit the respective sites listed through this link coming up here.
For an up to date list, Google provides one here.
Cookies and Web Beacons (Added 4/8/2009)
DoubleClick DART Cookie (Added 4/8/2009)
Needcoffee.com or any other One Tusk site or any member of our staff has no access to or control over these cookies that are used by third-party advertisers.
If you wish to disable cookies, you may do so through your individual browser options. More detailed information about cookie management with specific web browsers can be found at the browsers’ respective websites. You honestly should be using Firefox. So here you go.
Corresponding With the Loonies
Also, any correspondence that you send to members of the staff becomes the property of Needcoffee.com and its staff for us to do with as we wish. Basically this means if you send us nasty e-mails thinking that by doing so you can avoid the harsh spotlight of public shame, you’re wrong. While, again, we won’t post your e-mail address, we have no problems about sharing the actual message itself and your name or “assumed name” with the world.
Message Board (Gabfest) Usage The basic and only rule of the Gabfest is “Don’t be a dick.” Dickish behavior will get you banned. We sometimes provide warnings, but they are not guaranteed. If this item confuses you, it’s more than likely because you’re a dick.
WordPress Comment Policy
All comments are moderated (when they’re up and running). If you can see your comment but others cannot, it’s because it’s awaiting moderation. This is not because we don’t trust you (although we don’t), but because without moderation, we would have fifty comments on each and every post trying to sell you Prilosec and online casinos and shit you wouldn’t even believe. Most comments, even ones critical of what we do here, will go through. There are, however, exceptions. If we deem your comment to have no redeeming conversational or even humorous value, it probably won’t see the light of day. We reserve the right to blow away any comments which we find to be valueless. If you want to talk shit about us, at least be creative or funny or entertaining. But we can talk shit right back. So be warned. And every time you people who want to talk shit come and waste your time on this site, you give us more page views, which makes our advertisers happy, which makes us stronger. So yes, please, bring that noise. By all means.
General Statement About Our Audience
This site is considered to be for adults. Mature adults. While we don’t generally allow pictures of nudity on the site, we have been known to use terms of profanity, such as “fuck” and “shit” and “Yanni.” We believe in free speech. You have the right to get offended, certainly, but we reserve the right to counter you by getting offended at you getting offended. You have the right to express your outrage in comments and posts, which, if they comply with our comments and posting policy, will be allowed on the site. But we reserve the right to mock you mercilessly in return. If you find the site offensive, don’t come around anymore. The Internet’s a big place. Basically, I can extend my fist until it reaches your nose, but in turn, you can extend your nose until it reaches my fist. If my fist is hanging out in space, and you see it and walk into it anyway, whose fault is that? Consider this your notice that this site is my fist.
Amazon Affiliation Added: 5/5/2011
Need Coffee Dot Com is a participant in the Amazon Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to various Amazon sites.
Changes to This Policy
Changes to this page and this policy may happen, but I wouldn’t count on it happening frequently, because we’re tired. Like…all the time.
Terms Of Usage
By using and/or reading this site, you are hereby proclaiming that what you’ve just read doesn’t make you overly paranoid and you’re fine with what we’ve told you. You are also stating for the record that you’re intelligent enough to understand what we’ve said above–people who don’t understand any of this or are confused–please do not e-mail us asking for clarification–simply leave the site now. We cannot be held responsible for you hanging around after you’ve been expressly told you can’t stay. Thanks.