PLEASE NOTE: “As an Amazon Associate, [Need Coffee] earns from qualifying purchases." You know we make money from Amazon links,
and I know you know this, but they make us say it anyway. More info, click here.’s Privacy Policy and Site Terms of Use

By using this site, you agree not to freak out about the following:

Disclosure of Material Connections We Share With Products We Review or Endorse (Added 10/6/2009)

We talk about a variety of different products on the site. In our history, we have never accepted money in exchange for a review, positive or negative. Nor do we have any plans to, but believe me, if that changes, we’ll let you know. So that’s not an issue. However, we are sent–often–samples of products to review or feature. The majority of products you see on the site are sent to us in exchange for writing about them, so I would advise you to assume if you see it mentioned, even in passing, that we’ve received it for that purpose.


Please know that we do not promise the people who send us these free things–be they books, DVDs, comics, movie passes, or whatever–a positive review. If anything, when writing a feature, we will discuss what the product has to offer with the assumption that somebody, somewhere, would want it. Even amongst members of the staff we have differing opinions as to what’s good and what’s not and while they are strong opinions, we realize there is room for people to like even the stuff that we, personally, think is an offense to the natural order. At most, in those cases, we will advise such fans, to the best of our ability and knowledge, if the product is worth buying towards their own fannish ends.

With reviews we are…less forgiving. If you ever have any doubts that we have been swayed by free stuff to give a review that’s more positive than we would have otherwise, I would point you to Exhibit A. Exhibit B. Exhibit C. Exhibit D. Exhibit E. Those are all items, or passes, in the case of the movies, that we got for free. It didn’t save them.

Traffic Tracking

We use cookies and scripts that track traffic to our site anonymously. We do this because we A) want to find out what you’re looking at to see what you like to read and 2) we need to know how many folks visit the site because certain companies who send us free shit want to know numbers like that. If you do nothing but browse about the site, we can see you doing it but it’s totally anonymous.

Updated 5/22/08: Also, please be aware that third parties, i.e. those that serve the ads on our site, may be placing and reading cookies on your browser, or using web beacons to collect information. For more info, check out the Third Party ads bit below.

Updated 4/8/09: We use log files. Lots of sites do this. Well, probably all sites create them but they don’t all use them. However, the stuff that are in these files are used primarily to make sure the server isn’t being abused and see which bits of the site take up too much memory. The stuff can include but is not limited to IP addresses, ISPs, and browser types. However, we can’t personally identify you by any of this nor, frankly, would we want to.

Personal Data (Replaced 5/25/2018)

There is not currently a way on our site for you to give us personal data. In order to ensure our current and future compliance with GDPR for our friends in the EU, commenting is currently disabled and will not be turned back on until we can figure out a way to do so that doesn’t A) cause us problems/is a pain in the ass and B) cost us money. Current comments are still viewable (for the time being) but any email address used to submit that comment is not being used for anything at all. It is currently stored in a secured database that only one person (Widge) can access.

In the past, we have hosted contests in which we requested personal information in order to be able to send you prizes, etc. We no longer do that. At present, we have no intention of restoring that due to the cost of GDPR compliance. In the past, we have collected email addresses for an email update list. We no longer do that. At present, same thing as above. If you are concerned that we may have, in the past, collected your personal information and you want to ensure that we have deleted your information, email us at and we will confirm your data’s deletion.

Third Party ads via Google AdSense (Added 5/22/2008)

Google AdSense serves ads from its own ad network as well as various third party ad vendors. Some or all of the third party ad vendors may install cookies in your browser and may provide means to opt out of having their respective cookies installed. To find out which of them provide such means, please visit the respective sites listed through this link coming up here.

For an up to date list, Google provides one here.

Cookies and Web Beacons (Added 4/8/2009)

We use cookies to store information about visitor preferences, user-specific info about which pages you access or visit and can customize Web page content based on your browser type or information you send to us via your browser. We cannot use these cookies to see your name, your credit card info, what you’re wearing or really anything you should be concerned about. But it’s only fair to tell you.

DoubleClick DART Cookie (Updated 4/29/2020)

Google, as a third party vendor, uses cookies to serve ads on our site. Google’s use of the DART cookie enables it to serve ads to our users based on their visit to this site and other sites on the Internet. Users may opt out of the use of the DART cookie by visiting the Google ad and content network privacy policy here.

Some of our advertising partners may use cookies and web beacons on our site. Our advertising partners that this applies to include Google Adsense.

These third-party ad servers or ad networks use technology on the advertisements and links that appear on our site and go directly to your browsers. They automatically receive your IP address when this occurs. Other technologies ( such as cookies, JavaScript, or Web Beacons ) may also be used by the third-party ad networks to measure the effectiveness of their advertisements and / or to personalize the advertising content that you see. or any other One Tusk site or any member of our staff has no access to or control over these cookies that are used by third-party advertisers.

You should consult the respective privacy policies of these third-party ad servers for more detailed information on their practices as well as for instructions about how to opt-out of certain practices. Our privacy policy does not apply to, and we cannot control the activities of, such other advertisers or web sites.

If you wish to disable cookies completely and across the board, you may do so through your individual browser options. More detailed information about cookie management with specific web browsers can be found at the browsers’ respective websites. You honestly should be using Firefox. So here you go.

Corresponding With the Loonies (Updated 5/25/18)

Also, any correspondence that you send to members of the staff becomes the property of and its staff for us to do with as we wish.

Message Board (Gabfest) Usage

The basic and only rule of the Gabfest is “Don’t be a dick.” Dickish behavior will get you banned. We sometimes provide warnings, but they are not guaranteed. If this item confuses you, it’s more than likely because you’re a dick.

WordPress Comment Policy

All comments are moderated (when they’re up and running). If you can see your comment but others cannot, it’s because it’s awaiting moderation. This is not because we don’t trust you (although we don’t), but because without moderation, we would have fifty comments on each and every post trying to sell you Prilosec and online casinos and shit you wouldn’t even believe. Most comments, even ones critical of what we do here, will go through. There are, however, exceptions. If we deem your comment to have no redeeming conversational or even humorous value, it probably won’t see the light of day. We reserve the right to blow away any comments which we find to be valueless. If you want to talk shit about us, at least be creative or funny or entertaining. But we can talk shit right back. So be warned. And every time you people who want to talk shit come and waste your time on this site, you give us more page views, which makes our advertisers happy, which makes us stronger. So yes, please, bring that noise. By all means.

General Statement About Our Audience

This site is considered to be for adults. Mature adults. While we don’t generally allow pictures of nudity on the site, we have been known to use terms of profanity, such as “fuck” and “shit” and “Yanni.” We believe in free speech. You have the right to get offended, certainly, but we reserve the right to counter you by getting offended at you getting offended. You have the right to express your outrage in comments and posts, which, if they comply with our comments and posting policy, will be allowed on the site. But we reserve the right to mock you mercilessly in return. If you find the site offensive, don’t come around anymore. The Internet’s a big place. Basically, I can extend my fist until it reaches your nose, but in turn, you can extend your nose until it reaches my fist. If my fist is hanging out in space, and you see it and walk into it anyway, whose fault is that? Consider this your notice that this site is my fist.

Amazon Affiliation Added: 5/5/2011

Need Coffee Dot Com is a participant in the Amazon Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to various Amazon sites.

Changes to This Policy

Changes to this page and this policy may happen, but I wouldn’t count on it happening frequently, because we’re tired. Like…all the time.

Terms Of Usage

By using and/or reading this site, you are hereby proclaiming that what you’ve just read doesn’t make you overly paranoid and you’re fine with what we’ve told you. You are also stating for the record that you’re intelligent enough to understand what we’ve said above–people who don’t understand any of this or are confused–please do not e-mail us asking for clarification–simply leave the site now. We cannot be held responsible for you hanging around after you’ve been expressly told you can’t stay. Thanks.

The Following Section Will Contain Any Additional Information About Services We Use on This Site (Updated 3/30/19)

Google Analytics

We use Google Analytics to track basic usage of the site. We don’t use/see any other information besides you are a human (in theory) and you visited these pages on the site. That’s basically all we care about. However, just to make sure you’re covered, our setup will anonymize your IP address, honor a Do Not Track request, and you can also just opt-out entirely using the button below or a browser plugin Google provides.

Update 10/19/2021: No longer a button, it’s a link. Would have been nice if they’d told us they changed it.

This section is about the myriad bits we use of the Jetpack service:


This feature only records activities of a site’s registered users, and the retention duration of activity data will depend on the site’s plan and activity type.

Data Used: To deliver this functionality and record activities around site management, the following information is captured: user email address, user role, user login, user display name, and local user IDs, the activity to be recorded, the site ID of the site on which the activity takes place, the site’s Jetpack version, and the timestamp of the activity. Some activities may also include the actor’s IP address (login attempts, for example) and user agent.

Activity Tracked: Login attempts/actions, post and page update and publish actions, comment/pingback submission and management actions, plugin and theme management actions, widget updates, user management actions, and the modification of other various site settings and options. Retention duration of activity data depends on the site’s plan and activity type. See the complete list of currently-recorded activities (along with retention information).

Data Synced (?): Successful and failed login attempts, which will include the actor’s IP address and user agent.


Data Used: The following information (made available from the visitor’s browser) is collected and sent to Automattic’s Demand Partners: IP address, geographical data (derived from the IP address), user agent, operating system, device type, unique user ID (randomly generated identifier), current URL, and IAB (Interactive Advertising Bureau) interest category. Log data (IP address, geographical data, user agent, operating system, device type) is stored for 30 days. The unique user ID is stored in cookies and is retained for 1 year.

Activity Tracked: Ad impressions, video-related events (i.e. pause, mute, 100% plays, etc.) or errors, and ad click events. Various cookies are used for the following purposes: delivering targeted advertisements to specific visitors, storing user identifiers, and collecting anonymous ad platform stats.

Contact Form

Data Used: If Akismet is enabled on the site, the contact form submission data — IP address, user agent, name, email address, website, and message — is submitted to the Akismet service (also owned by Automattic) for the sole purpose of spam checking. The actual submission data is stored in the database of the site on which it was submitted and is emailed directly to the owner of the form (i.e. the site author who published the page on which the contact form resides). This email will include the submitter’s IP address, timestamp, name, email address, website, and message.

Data Synced (?): Post and post meta data associated with a user’s contact form submission. If Akismet is enabled on the site, the IP address and user agent originally submitted with the comment are synced, as well, as they are stored in post meta.

Google Analytics

Data Used: Please refer to the appropriate Google Analytics documentation for the specific type of data it collects. For sites running WooCommerce (also owned by Automattic) and this feature simultaneously and having all purchase tracking explicitly enabled, purchase events will send Google Analytics the following information: order number, product id and name, product category, total cost, and quantity of items purchased. Google Analytics does offer IP anonymization, which can be enabled by the site owner.

Activity Tracked: This feature sends page view events (and potentially video play events) over to Google Analytics for consumption. For sites running WooCommerce-powered stores, some additional events are also sent to Google Analytics: shopping cart additions and removals, product listing views and clicks, product detail views, and purchases. Tracking for each specific WooCommerce event needs to be enabled by the site owner.

Jetpack Comments

Data Used: Commenter’s name, email address, and site URL (if provided via the comment form), timestamp, and IP address. Additionally, a IFrame receives the following data: blog ID attached to the site, ID of the post on which the comment is being submitted, commenter’s local user ID (if available), commenter’s local username (if available), commenter’s site URL (if available), MD5 hash of the commenter’s email address (if available), and the comment content. If Akismet (also owned by Automattic) is enabled on the site, the following information is sent to the service for the sole purpose of spam checking: commenter’s name, email address, site URL, IP address, and user agent.

Activity Tracked: The comment author’s name, email address, and site URL (if provided during the comment submission) are stored in cookies. Learn more about these cookies.

Data Synced (?): All data and metadata (see above) associated with comments. This includes the status of the comment and, if Akismet is enabled on the site, whether or not it was classified as spam by Akismet.


This feature is only accessible to users logged in to

Data Used: In order to process a post like action, the following information is used: IP address, user ID, username, site ID (on which the post was liked), post ID (of the post that was liked), user agent, timestamp of event, browser language, country code.

Activity Tracked: Post likes.

Mobile Theme

Data Used: A visitor’s preference on viewing the mobile version of a site.

Activity Tracked: A cookie (akm_mobile) is stored for 3.5 days to remember whether or not a visitor of the site wishes to view its mobile version. Learn more about this cookie.


This feature is only accessible to registered users of the site who are logged in to

Data Used: IP address, user ID, username, site ID and URL, Jetpack version, user agent, visiting URL, referring URL, timestamp of event, browser language, country code. Some visitor-related information or activity may be sent to the site owner via this feature. This may include: email address, username, site URL, email address, comment content, follow actions, etc.

Activity Tracked: Sending notifications (i.e. when we send a notification to a particular user), opening notifications (i.e. when a user opens a notification that they receive), performing an action from within the notification panel (e.g. liking a comment or marking a comment as spam), and clicking on any link from within the notification panel/interface.


Data Used: In order to check login activity and potentially block fraudulent attempts, the following information is used: attempting user’s IP address, attempting user’s email address/username (i.e. according to the value they were attempting to use during the login process), and all IP-related HTTP headers attached to the attempting user.

Activity Tracked: Failed login attempts (these include IP address and user agent). We also set a cookie (jpp_math_pass) for 1 day to remember if/when a user has successfully completed a math captcha to prove that they’re a real human. Learn more about this cookie.

Data Synced (?): Failed login attempts, which contain the user’s IP address, attempted username or email address, and user agent information.

Data Used: Any of the visitor-chosen search filters and query data in order to process a search request on the servers.


Data Used: When sharing content via email (this option is only available if Akismet is active on the site), the following information is used: sharing party’s name and email address (if the user is logged in, this information will be pulled directly from their account), IP address (for spam checking), user agent (for spam checking), and email body/content. This content will be sent to Akismet (also owned by Automattic) so that a spam check can be performed. Additionally, if reCAPTCHA (by Google) is enabled by the site owner, the sharing party’s IP address will be shared with that service. You can find Google’s privacy policy here.


Data Used: To initiate and process subscriptions, the following information is used: subscriber’s email address and the ID of the post or comment (depending on the specific subscription being processed). In the event of a new subscription being initiated, we also collect some basic server data, including all of the subscribing user’s HTTP request headers, the IP address from which the subscribing user is viewing the page, and the URI which was given in order to access the page (REQUEST_URI and DOCUMENT_URI). This server data used for the exclusive purpose of monitoring and preventing abuse and spam.

Activity Tracked: Functionality cookies are set for a duration of 347 days to remember a visitor’s blog and post subscription choices if, in fact, they have an active subscription.

1 comment

  • I do survey’s online all day long for extra cash and this is BY FAR the BEST set of “Rules and Regulations” or Terms and Conditions I have ever read. haha. Absolutely Priceless.

    Favorite Line, “You have the right to get offended, certainly, but we reserve the right to counter you by getting offended at you getting offended.”