27 Second Review: 300

300 Prepare for Glory

Written by: Zack Snyder, Kurt Johnstad & Michael B. Gordon, based on the graphic novel by Frank Miller
Directed by: Zack Snyder
Starring: Gerard Butler, Lena Headey, Dominic West, David Wenham, Rodrigo Santoro

Review: Total.

Fucking.

Wargasm.

Time: 4 seconds.
(more…)

By | 2017-09-24T23:34:12+00:00 March 30th, 2007|27 Seconds, Reviews|0 Comments

300 (2007) – Movie Review

300 movie poster

Written by Michael B. Gordon, Kurt Johnstad & Zack Snyder
Directed by Zack Snyder
Starring Gerard Butler, Lena Headey, Dominic West, David Wenham, Vincent Regan

My Advice: Matinee.

King Leonidas (Butler) is the ruler of Sparta. Sparta, and the rest of Greece, happens to be in the path of Xerxes (Rodrigo Santoro) and his massive Persian army. Xerxes sends a messenger with a simple request: submit or we’ll kick your ass. Seems reasonable enough–except for the fact he’s pulling this shit in Sparta, where the people are…a little headstrong, shall we say. The messenger gets booted into a hole in the ground and Sparta needs to prepare for war. However, it’s going to be a bit unbalanced, as the end result is three hundred of Sparta’s finest facing down an army so large even Cecil B. DeMille would say, “Well, fuck me.”

(more…)

By | 2017-09-24T23:35:00+00:00 March 12th, 2007|Movies, Reviews|2 Comments

The Brothers Grimm (2005) – Movie Review

Brothers Grimm movie poster

Directed by Terry Gilliam
Dress Patterns by Terry Gilliam and Tony Grisoni
Written by Ehren Kruger
Starring Matt Damon, Heath Ledger, Lena Headey, Peter Stormare, Jonathan Pryce

My Advice: Matinee.

It’s the early 19th Century in French Occupied Germany. Two brothers, Wilhelm and Jacob Grimm (Damon and Ledger) make their way across Europe, helping out villagers who are plagued with beasties, witches and spooks of all sorts. Well, sorta. Really they’re mining Jacob’s knowledge of European folklore and going to where the legends say the beasties, witches and spooks are–because chances are very good they’ll find superstitious people there willing to believe anything (like, for example, Kansas) and thus, willing to pay handsomely to have their fears dispatched. Because there are people willing to pay for such services, the Grimms are justified in their minds to relieve the people of the necessary coin. Only what if it’s not all just heebee jeebie bullshit? What if there’s a forest somewhere in France where Some Really Weird Shit is actually going down? And what if they were…compelled (psst–it involves being on the wrong end of guns) to go there?

(more…)

By | 2017-09-24T23:55:11+00:00 August 26th, 2005|Movies, Reviews|2 Comments