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Updated! The Cultural Apocalypse Clock

Let’s see, reverse the polarity of the neutron flow, reboot the tachyon emitter, the gerbil is on his wheel. Let’s start this baby up.

CA Clock

Look! It’s moving. It’s alive. It’s alive… It’s alive, it’s moving, it’s alive, it’s alive, it’s alive, it’s alive, IT’S ALIVE!

Yes, the Cultural Apocalypse Clock is back. For those not familiar with the Clock, it’s our own particular spin on the Doomsday Clock run by the magazine The Bulletin of Atomic Scientists. By changing the minutes till the Clock reaches midnight, it shows how close the world is to nuclear Armageddon.

Now we at Needcoffee are not experts on nuclear proliferation or international politics, but we do know pop culture. So we decided to start the Cultural Apocalypse Clock to show how close we are to cultural Armageddon. Now we’re not exactly sure what exactly that would be like, but we theorize that Paris Hilton is involved somewhere. So when a news story or trend moves the culture forward or backwards, our experts will converge around a large pizza and out of those discussions and feeding frenzy, we will change the time on the Clock appropriately.

First up, we have the Cookie Monster and the “sometimes” food. As we’ve already discussed on the Gabfest, the Cookie Monster is now eating fruits and vegetables and cookies are now a “sometimes food.” Truly, nothing is sacred. Parents, I know you’re busy, but really, if your kids are getting their eating habits from a blue piece of fur with ping-pong eyes, then you really need an intervention. You are still the best method for helping your kids eat healthy and getting off their butt to exercise. Despite what you may think, your children do listen to you. For succumbing to the public hysteria about childhood obesity and desecrating an icon because of it, we move the Clock forward 2 seconds.

Now on the tech front, we have this article on a court case and the “broadcast flag”. The broadcast flag would have limited how we record and use television shows after they are used. The networks are going to Congress to try to get this reenacted, but before they had to convince a judge. Now, they are going to have to convince several hundred people with their hand out. So, we shall move the Clock back five seconds for the freedom to record what we like how we like. However, since the Flag has already reared its ugly head once and been smacked down (and we’re waiting at any moment for Part III), we will be watching this very carefully, we assure you.

CA Clock

That’s it for now. If you encounter anything that you feel affects the Clock, either for the positive or negative, post it in our comments below. No guarantees that it will move the Clock, but you never know.

1 comment

  • “if your kids are getting their eating habits from a blue piece of fur with ping-pong eyes, then you really need an intervention.”