"After Richard Harris' unfortunate passing, many tried out for the role of Dumbledore in the Harry Potter films. None wanted it quite so badly as Edward Meeks, principal at Mercy Elementary School in Topeka..."
"Now, now, my dear. This flail is purely ceremonial. Here, I'll show you..."
"This thing hanging from my hat? Why, it's a lure. It lights up when I descend to the underwater trenches where I live, and I use it to draw prey in close enough to smack with my stick here..."