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KFC’s Moms Matter! Press Release: I’m Not Gettin’ Anywhere With This Damn Thing…

KFC: Dark Feast!

Just received a press release here from KFC that they have created a Moms Matter! Advisory Board. I’m struggling with what this means.

Moms from all walks of life and different parts of the country will join a group of mothers employed by KFC on the new Advisory Board. The group will help KFC harness the experience that motherhood provides…

About…making chicken?

…and channel that knowledge into ways to better meet moms’ needs.

Oh. Of course. Wait. What?

Julienne Smith, founder and author of “Food For Talk,” a recipe box of conversation starters that promote family bonding, will join the Advisory Board as an expert contributor. “As a mom and author, I know from experience that families are starved for quality time,” says Smith, who describes herself as a “professional mom.” “Meals are a great occasion to reconnect and who better than KFC to bring us all to the table to talk about ways to make that time mean even more.”

[ad#longpost]Apparently the reason why family time around the dinner table doesn’t mean enough is because the chicken you grabbed via a drive-thru…what? Wasn’t…crispy enough? That was always the number one point of contention when I was growing up. Dad would haul off and just fling the mashed potatoes across the kitchen, he was so pissed. The trauma. Oh, the trauma.

The Advisory Board will meet in person bi-annually, hold quarterly conference calls and host monthly dinner meetings in their hometowns to gain information and advise KFC on everything from trends that affect families to new product ideas. Its first task will be to work closely with the company to establish a user-friendly, online community aimed at reducing everyday stress for moms. In development over the next year, the online community will roll- out nationally for all moms to share in 2007. Moms will be able to use the site to receive tips, participate in webcasts, win weekly drawings and contribute to an e-newsletter.

So the way to decrease our mothers’ collective stress is to ask them to do one more fucking thing and contribute to an e-newsletter? Most moms won’t even contribute to their kids’ PTA!

“Moms have relied on our popular, meal-building menu items for years and now we’re turning to them for ideas on how KFC can be even more helpful with managing their busy lifestyles,” says Scott Bergren, executive vice president of marketing for KFC. “We realize the challenges that mothers face and what better way to help us meet their demands than by mining their insight through our new KFC Moms Matter! Advisory Board.”

Meet their demands? Did I miss the part where mothers stormed the local KFC, all pissed off that the Colonel wasn’t doing his part to help them manage their busy lifestyles? Because if there’s a YouTube video of that, I want to see it.

Anyway, so KFC is branching out into the maternal stress management business. We…thought you’d like to know. You’re welcome.