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10 Things to Help Radiohead Fans Come Back to Reality

Thom Yorke, presumably singing

To the Stargate and Doctor Who fandoms:

At certain points over recent years, I may have referred to one or both of you as being “the whiniest bitches on the internet”. However, I’ve come to realize I might have been far too hasty in making that proclamation.

No, I’m not apologizing. Many of are you still whiny bitches. But you’re just not the whiniest bitches on the Internet. The new drama queens have moved in. And man, Radiohead fans are anal–aren’t they?

There. Someone needed to say it.

A mere day after the “grand experiment” and the Internets are awash with complaints: everything from the “lowly” 160 kbps bit rate to being “used” by the band and its management to promote the physical release of the In Rainbows CD.

For those of you feeling ripped off or used by Radiohead, I present the following reality check:

[ad#rightpost]1. What the hell did you expect? If you bought Kid A, Amnesiac, or Hail to the Thief, then you should be used to being used by Radiohead. And for the record–the cool kids in class refer to it as being “p0wned.” Do catch up.

2. 160 kbps is about 32 kbps higher than a standard iTunes file. Unfortunately, this will never be high enough to determine what Thom Yorke is actually saying on any of the tracks.

3. If you bought the deluxe version, you paid four times more for packaging. It’s like getting the big Christmas present and playing more with the box.

4. Sadder still: you don’t own a record player, and you never have.

5. Ahem. As previously mentioned, you bought Kid A, Amnesiac and Hail to the Thief. So you have, in fact, paid more for worse.

6. And you probably bought Yorke’s The Eraser. On iTunes. For at least a good two bucks more. See?

7. You are right about one thing: “Nude” was better live.

8. No lyrics, no album cover. At least Beck gave you stickers to make your own.

9. In Rainbows is actually not that bad. It’s not genius. Not even Album of the Year. But it’s not bad.

10. And you’ll buy the CD anyway. You know you will.

Originally appeared on Tuffley’s Gabfest blog.