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Thriller: The Musical Will Bring the Noise and Funk of Forty Thousand Years to Broadway

Michael Jackson in Thriller

So we just mentioned how my own scientific pop culture landmark theory, The Law of Relative Development, will need to be amended to include films headed to the stage. It appears that if we’re looking to expand it to theatre, then we should include also individual albums, musical “bodies of work” and also…music videos.

The reason? Thriller the Musical. Seriously. It’s songs from the album plus Off the Wall. Variety sez, “Plot… will be based on the 1982 ‘Thriller’ video, about a wholesome young couple whose date goes awry when one of them turns into a werewolf.” Yes, it’s headed for Broadway…eventually.

Two things spring to mind. One, you’re going to base an entire musical on a single music video? Two, who’s playing the Vincent Price role? I mean, I want to say if you’re smart you book an elder statesman actor with a kickass voice to do a few weeks at a time and change them out to keep at least that portion of it fresh. I want to say that, but that would imply I’ve actually given this a lot of thought, which I don’t want to do.

What I do want to do is propose a number of other musicals, as long as music videos are fair game.

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A post-80s dystopia visited by refugees looking for solace. A perfect musical for our Petrol! We’re Running Out!!!! times. And you want to see “Don’t Come Around Here No More” staged. You know you do.

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A yuppie version of Five Guys Named Moe, a harried executive learns how to live life thanks to a magical five piece band who appears, armed with the songs of Cake. In other words, we just want to see a Cake musical. I know you do too.

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A different take on the above, but with the helping hands being a lot hairier. And the songs being a lot less surreal. But the Act I closing with “Gimme All Your Lovin'” would bring the freaking house down.

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We need a 70s cop musical with a quickness. And who wouldn’t go see one set to the music of the Beastie Boys? Answer: no one.

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I have no idea what plot this would follow. I just know if you take all the avant garde Peter Gabriel stuff and throw it on stage, you’ll probably end up with Cirque du Soleil if it had been created by Mark Heap’s Brian character from Spaced.

What would you pick for your music video musical?

I’d like to also mention that if we’re going to get some kind of wacky horror musical, this brings my dream of Night of the Living Dead: The Opera one step closer to reality.