Needcoffee labs, hunting down every last scrap of evidence to our theory that every day you smart people don’t breed the world is going to hell in a handbasket have unearthed this little nugget from the Family Feud, our own personal Inquisition for such matters:
Remember, this is the Family Feud so these people undoubtedly reproduced–and did so enough that they could get five of them together on a game show…so, you know, good luck evolution, good luck.
Anyway, one of the things you can do to make your future spawn smarter and way cooler is to give them awesome books to read. And you remember books right? They’re those things you put on your Kindle when you’re not using the Wikipedia access. And they’ve even got these nifty ones that don’t require a download and work with NO POWER. EVER. Here are a few of the more awesome ones from your childhood, and some nifty videos you can use to entice the younguns.
That’s right, it’s the first book that ever made you cry…that is, if you didn’t read a couple of the other ones on this list first. But this book almost made you nostalgic for your childhood…and that’s when you were in sixth grade. A little girl named Winnie ventures into the woods one day and meets a family of immortals, who teach her the real meaning of life and being human. Talk about your carpe diem messages: it’s a book that has the stones to tell kids, yes, you will die, but yes, it’s natural, and right, and somehow beautiful in the way nature works. It teaches you that what you should do with your life is live it full out, every day, and never look back, enjoy the hell out of everything, it’s that important. Okayâ€¦how is that not appealing enough to get kids to read? Now if only someone synched up Queen’s “Who Wants to Live Forever?” to the (actually good) movieâ€¦
Here you go folks, the first nine minutes of The Hobbit!
And yes, it’s the ’77 Rankin-Bass Hobbit and not what WETA and Del Toro will soon have on your screens, but admit it: this was how you imagined the book anyway. If there’s a kid that doesn’t grow up at least trying to read The Hobbit, then that kid has led a deprived childhood. Do yourself a favor, go buy a really shiny anniversary edition from Amazon, display it prominently and when your child asks about it, tell them they’re not old enough. Then pass it on, Princess Bride style. They’ll steal it from you in short order.
Hmm, a hobbit song to play us out..any takers?
Thanks Leonard. Anyway, the DVD of the Rankin-Bass is available here.
Okay a clip from The Giver movieâ€¦wait they haven’t made one? Damn, I guess the book’s just too damn sweet. Soâ€¦hmmâ€¦a kid made a trailer for a public library for it, and if you stick with it the end’s pretty cool…
P.S. If any of you live in Pima County in Arizona, your public library rocks.
Anywho, The Giver is one of those books everyone should have to read in middle school, and if you didn’t, please go pick it up. It helps you learn what it truly means to be human, and why even the bad things in the world are important. Learn what humanity is defined by. Learn how to see light in the darkness and teach your children well. Now there’s no way in hell I’m going to find a Giver music video.
Wait…what? The Giver as interpreted by Mario???
Someone, please find this kid and give him a nerd medal.