Balzac

Every week we try to start you off right. Well, right as in wrong. Very, very wrong. We figure if you kick the week off like this, then your brain will be specially attuned to the madness that your work week will no doubt bring. You're welcome.

This time around, The Consumerist clued us into Balzac, which is apparently...well, a ball. See for yourself:

Direct link for the feedreaders.

We decided to delve into this Balzac thing, and it gets worse: you can have a Zac Attack, where you apparently crave playing with your Balzac. And hurling your Balzac up towards jumbo jets, apparently.

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And lastly, here's where the Balzac gets a human face. Two of them, in fact, as they also have Balzac Brats--which are not inflatable bratwursts as you might expect--but just for people who prefer a smaller Balzac.

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You might say to yourself: self, fear not. This is just scary retro fun. There's no way I could be confronted with a Balzac today. If you're saying that to yourself right now, then...You. Are. Wrong.