Spicy Chick-Fil-A and Firecow

Wes M., located in Chicago, started the trend and gets all the credit. Because he put forward the notion that after the Rapture, which is apparently happening Saturday, Chick-Fil-As will be sitting unmanned. And not even heathens can resist the meaty crack cocaine that is Jesus Chicken. So he claimed the Chicago locations for himself with–get this–plans to be open on Sundays! Genius!

So I’ve in turn claimed the Atlanta metro locations. I urge all interested parties to claim their own particular location/area of choice. I’ve created a Facebook event that you can take part in. Feel free to stake your claim there or here. Do both, just to be safe.

Some Frequently Asked Questions: Updated: 5/20

Q: Are we accepting applications?

A: Yes, beginning Sunday morning. Since we expect the restaurants to be completely depopulated, we will have lots of job opportunities.

Q: How quickly can we get the Chick-Fil-As back online post-Rapture?

A: We’ll assess that and advise as quickly as possible. We understand that you’re concerned about your supply of the addictive chicken and will address that ASAP.

Q: Are you keeping the cow mascot?

A: Yes. The cows at our Atlanta locations will be wearing a Tina Turner chain mail dress in honor of the Apocalypse and handing out coupons.

Q: What about the Dwarf House locations?

A: The Dwarf House locations are a bit of a wild card, since they do stay open for a bit on Sunday and may be heathen-run. We’ll need to see if anybody shows up for work post-Rapture and go from there. I’m sure an alliance can be struck if they’re still active. (via Philospud)

Q: It’s weird that they introduced the Spicy Chicken offerings so soon before the Rapture, isn’t it?

A: All part of their plan. The “Try a little hell in your mouth” tagline should have been a huge clue, in retrospect.

Q: I don’t have a Chick-Fil-A in my area! (via Scott C.W.)

A: Stand by for new franchise opportunities.

Q: I’m not a fan of/don’t have Chick-Fil-A in my area. Can I have [insert name of restaurant chain] instead? (via Jamie K.G. & Dom)

A: It’s almost assured that they are run by heathens so a goodly portion of their crew will still be around. My suggestion is this: if you do have a Chick-Fil-A and aren’t a fan…grab it anyway. Then barter with the owners of your favorite fast food chain for food exchanges. In a post-Rapture world I have a feeling we’ll all need to work together to keep the infrastructure afloat for the next five months.

More questions? Post them in the comments.