BREAKING: Mary Kay Launches Air Superiority Campaign; Avon Threatens Response

In a move that’s sent shock waves through out the makeup world, Mary Kay announced today they have launched a “Healthier Skin Through Air Power” campaign, rolling out their newest offering: Viper jets with pink highlights.

“Pink Cadillacs are so 90s,” said one unnamed source. “It’s getting so you can’t throw an eyeliner without hitting a pink something or other with four wheels. But when you’re driving one of these, baby–people know you’re to be taken seriously.”

[fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”]

Avon was quick to counter, also through anonymous channels, that they plan to roll out Operation Pinkhawk shortly in a response. The buzz around Washington and the U.N. is that we may be in for another makeup industry arms race. “It could be the likes of which we haven’t seen since the 1985 Revlon accord ended the last upheaval,” said one insider in the State Department. “I remember those years. Blush and mascara running in the streets like water. It was freaking heinous.”

The photo shown here, of a pilot about to take one of the pink Vipers for a test spin, was quickly pulled from the news wire, only to appear with a very convincing cover story on the Hobby Lobby site, where they’re passing it off as an RC toy jet with a paint screw-up and putting some of the proceeds of the sale to charity.

We’ll keep you posted on these and other possibly completely fabricated developments as we invent them.[/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]