BlahblahFish: Language Abuse For Your Amusement

BlahblahFish logo

So Miss Cellania posted this: BlahblahFish. It’s a service that allows you to type in text and it will then translate the text into the language of your choice and then back again, with all of the hilarity that such translations provide. For a while earlier tonight, it was getting slammed. Just imagine, those of you old enough to see the novelty in this: I was getting exasperated that an automatic service that would do this was overloaded, and I might have to go and do this manually. Manually in this case meaning use a translation engine like Babelfish directly twice. Does that give you a sudden moment of “Whoa…what?” like it does me? Just curious.

Anyway, just for grins and explosives, I decided to throw my usual order at Starbucks into the word-crusher and see what came out the other side.

The original English version is: “I’d like a venti white chocolate mocha with no whip, low fat milk, half the amount of mocha and three extra espresso shots, please.” For those of you keeping score at home, yes, that means my usual drink at Starbucks is with five shots of espresso.

Anyway, my favorites among the translations are below. The Korean version is like something out of the Burroughs cut-up method, whereas the Slovenian version is even moreso. The Welsh one is actually better than a lot of blank verse poetry I used to hear at readings.

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By | 2017-09-24T23:09:25+00:00 November 27th, 2008|Stimuli|1 Comment

Stuff You Need to Know: Monopoly The Motion Picture

You have better things to do with your time than read long stories that could have been better served by cutting to the chase. We assume you do, anyway. We give you the benefit of the doubt. Enjoy.

Monopoly Guy
  • Did you ever think we’d be sitting here talking about a movie being made of the Monopoly board game? You did? Did you think that the scribe who did Corpse Bride would be on board for it–Pamela Pettler? Really? Did you think Ridley Scott would come on board and he has “an eye toward giving it a futuristic sheen along the lines of his iconic Blade Runner“? Are you there? Why are you drooling and your eyes have glazed over? Well, it won’t help you to know that feature versions of Ouija Board and Battleship are in the works as well. Now you’ve fallen in the floor and are bleeding. What did you do that for? Source: Hollywood Reporter.
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    By | 2017-09-24T23:10:02+00:00 November 13th, 2008|Stuff You Need to Know|3 Comments

    Free Coffee and Ice Cream Today

    Starbucks Phase 2

    That’s right, friends. Rather than deal with the divisive nature of American politics–and how lots of people will feel like they’ve won today, lots of other people will feel like they’ve lost, and most everybody on either side will, in fact, lose no matter what happens–let’s take a moment and find something positive to say about Election Tuesday.

    Um. Er. Ah…

    FREE COFFEE AND ICE CREAM! YES, THAT’s IT!

    Starbucks is giving away free coffee to anybody who asks for it–since they can’t give it to you for voting because it’s a conspiracy against the caffeinated voting contingent in this country. And Ben and Jerry’s is giving away free scoops from 5pm to 8pm.

    We have to hold onto the simple good things for as long as we can. Especially if they’ll melt if we don’t eat them fast enough.

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    By | 2017-09-24T23:10:11+00:00 November 4th, 2008|Headsup|3 Comments

    Stuff You Need to Know, Friday, July 25, 2008

    David Walliams and Matt Lucas from Little Britain USA

    Trying to play catchup here following the results of Zzzax stopping by to ask for a cup of sugar. Anyway, we are here to tell you, in brief, the pop culture developments that you need to know. Because you have better things to do than keep up with this crap. We, naturally, do not. Even though the bits are brief, they add up. So. You know. Get comfortable.

  • Afro Samurai: Resurrection is a sequel to the series with Sam Jackson returning to voice the lead character and Lucy Liu as his foe. Mark Hamill is in the cast as well, playing what sounds like Lucy Liu’s character’s Walsingham. The sequel hits Spike TV in January. Source: Variety.
  • Amazon and Hasbro are doing something kinda cool: for every “Hasbro Hot Summer Toy Event item” you buy through Amazon now through August 2nd, Hasbro will donate a toy to Toys for Tots. I try not to look at new toys these days. The results are just too depressing. Bloody LazerTag is unrecognizable. And you can ride a dinosaur. Granted, it’s not as cool as this badboy, but still. Remember when Stretch Monster was the cutting edge of toytech? Man, I miss drinking at times like these. Anyway, to check out the Amazon/Hasbro offer, go here.
  • Ben 10‘s live action made-for-TV movie based on the animated series at Cartoon Network was directed by Alex Winter. Yes, Bill from Bill & Ted. Well, he’s also getting to helm the second TV movie which will be based on the second animated series. He’s apparently been busy since Freaked, which was the last time I had seen his name come up. Good for him.
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    By | 2017-09-24T23:15:23+00:00 July 25th, 2008|Stuff You Need to Know|7 Comments

    Starbucks Doubleshot Energy + Coffee – Drink Review

    Starbucks Doubleshot Energy + Coffee, Mocha and Vanilla

    Oh, Starbucks, what have you done? This is their new coffee energy beverage. I snagged both the mocha and the vanilla flavored variations. They sport guarana (90mg), ginseng (325mg) and B vitamins (200% of your B6 RDA and 100% of your B12 RDA). No word about how much caffeine on the can, but Energy Fiend (the authority on such matters), tells us that 225mg 146mg awaits you in each one.

    Trouble is, they taste like ass.

    How to describe the experience of trying to drink these things to you…

    Let’s see: imagine you’ve tried to laminate the inside of your mouth and throat with a terrible plastic that tastes of sweet chemicals. Nay, not tried. Succeeded. You sip and you think surely, surely this can’t be right. And it’s not. Because when I say laminate, I mean you’re going to be stuck with this dreadful fake taste in your mouth for a while afterwards. Best of luck with that.

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    By | 2017-09-24T23:17:00+00:00 June 23rd, 2008|Drink Reviews|12 Comments

    Starbucks Wants to Pick Your Brain

    My Starbucks Idea

    So Starbucks is soliciting ideas from its customer base with the promise that they’ll take action based on popular demand. Free wifi and customer loyalty programs appear to be the overwhelming leaders so far, although I didn’t dig far enough down into the running to see all the obligatory completely mental ones, like “Orbiting Laser Cannon Platforms” and “Monogrammed Foam” and “More Kenny G CDs.” But I’m sure they must be there.

    I’m all for the free wifi. Not having ready access to T-Mobile hotspots is about the only thing I miss after having jumped ship on my cell phone plan. You can contribute your idea here.

    Found via The Consumerist.

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    By | 2017-09-24T23:20:44+00:00 March 24th, 2008|Headsup|0 Comments

    Starbucks About to Get Handed Its Ass?

    Unhappy Starbucks Muffin

    A couple of weeks ago at dinner, somebody was shocked and appalled to hear that I go to Starbucks rather than have some wonderfully obscure, squirreled away mom and pop coffee shoppe that I frequent. There’s two reasons for this:

    1. I haven’t found a good mom and pop coffee shoppe that’s anywhere near the Technocave and its attached compound. The ones I’ve tried have been subpar at best. And the few times I have found one that’s near where I frequent, their hours are so odd that they’re never open when you want to grab a cup. Which blows my mind whenever I see a coffee shop (especially a Starbucks near a major road) close at 10pm. 10pm, for the record, is when a lot of the people I know really need coffee the most, so I mean, come on, folks. Get with the program.

    2. Starbucks isn’t the best coffee I’ve ever tasted, but I know what I’m getting when I pull into one. And it’s amusing to tell them I want three extra shots with my mocha drink and hear them ask “You know that already comes with two, right?” “Yes. Yes, I do.”

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    By | 2017-09-24T23:22:06+00:00 February 3rd, 2008|Stimuli|0 Comments

    The Golden Arches to Offer McLattes?

    Willard Scott as Ronald McDonald

    At long last! You can get a McEspresso to wash down your McRib! I know that’s what you’ve all been waiting for. Well, the Wall Street Journal says it’s here. They’re going to add baristas to your local McDonald’s with espresso machines front and center. And does this put Ronald’s crazed white and red stripes up against the green aprons of Starbucks?

    McDonald’s executives say they aren’t launching espresso drinks to go after Starbucks, but instead to cater to consumers’ growing interest in specialty drinks. And although McDonald’s is encroaching on the business that Starbucks invented, analysts say McDonald’s may pose more of a threat to Dunkin’ Donuts, which has a more similar customer base. Analysts also point out that McDonald’s overall beverage expansion, which includes bottled drinks, is as much aimed at taking business from convenience stores and vending machines as it is from specialty cafes.

    Although they no doubt wouldn’t shed a tear over eating some of Starbucks’ lunch either, I’m sure. And hey, if they can serve the same sort of coffee drinks for something like half the price of a Starbucks equivalent, would you frequent it? Me, I’m just interested in the super sizing.

    Found via Starbucks Gossip.

    Image. From the scariest McDonald’s commercial ever.

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    By | 2017-09-24T23:22:51+00:00 January 7th, 2008|Headsup|0 Comments

    Taking Your Starbucks Free Drink Coupon to the Limit

    Got enough shots in there, buddy?  Hell no.

    There’s just something about Starbucks, apparently, that makes people want to pull Guinness Book of World Records-level stunts involving the chain. We’ve got the guy trying to visit every location in existence. We’ve got the guy who tried the more manageable but still freaking nuts stunt of visiting all the locations in Manhattan in a single day.

    Now: what’s the most expensive drink you can buy at Starbucks? Why? Because you’ve got a free coupon and you want to get the maximum bang for your buck.

    Billy over at An Error Occurred While Processing This Directive answered the question by getting a Venti Soy Hazelnut Vanilla Cinnamon White Mocha with Extra White Mocha and Caramel and topped it off with 13 shots of espresso.

    Read about his adventure here. 13 shots? You are an animal. But I respect the hell out of you, man.

    Found via The Consumerist.
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    By | 2017-09-24T23:23:26+00:00 December 27th, 2007|Stimuli|1 Comment

    How to Gauge Your Local Starbucks Saturation

    Starbucks Saturation for Atlanta GA

    In a fascinating display of information that you had no idea you would ever want to know but now that it’s available you’re going to crap away ten minutes of your life (at least) playing with the info-tool, Foodio54 has got a Starbucks Saturation Tool that will tell you just how much Starbucks coverage you have in your area.

    Since I live in the Atlanta area (and commute to Coast City, Iowa for our Needcoffee staff meetings) I see that there’s a Starbucks every 1.31 square miles in the 30324 Atlanta zip code and one for every 5079 people. Click here for the full embiggened chart. Charts are fun. Everything looks more impressive on a chart. Just ask Dave Gorman.

    Granted, flipping through the comments on Starbucks Gossip (which is where we found this), it appears that this appears to count only free-range stores (not inside a Kroger, for example, or a Barnes & Noble) and only goes on the number of people who live in the area, not work in the area as well. So your caffeination may vary.
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    By | 2017-09-24T23:23:34+00:00 December 20th, 2007|Stimuli|0 Comments