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The Cultural Apocalypse Clock Update for June 17, 2005

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Welcome once again to the ticking time bomb of civilization, the Cultural Apocalypse Clock. On the left there, you’ll see where we ended up last time.

This update deals with the perils and rewards of looking back and building on what has come before.

First, the perils. Below is a list of released and soon to be released Disney DVDs that we snagged from


  • Mulan II
  • The Hunchback of Notre Dame II
  • Pocahontas II: Journey to a New World
  • The Little Mermaid II: Return to the Sea

To Be Released

  • Tarzan 2 – 06/14
  • Lilo & Stitch 2: Stitch Has a Glitch – 08/30
  • Pooh’s Heffalump Halloween Movie-9/13

In Production for 2006

  • Bambi and the Great Prince of the Forest
  • Brother Bear II
  • The Tinker Bell Movie
  • Cinderella III


I know that studios strip mining their legacy of classic movies for sequel after sequel after sequel is nothing new. But, and I don’t think I’m alone in thinking this, Disney is different. Their quality, both technical and in storytelling, was untouched for decades. Some in the Disney corporation had issues with releasing the original movies to video. They felt it would lessen the special experience of seeing it in the theater, but parents loved the idea of sharing a classic with their kids in the comfort of their own home and bought them in record numbers. So home video for Disney, just like everybody else, became hugely profitable.

But there are only so many movies in the vault. So Eisner decided to squeeze the Golden Goose and a whole lot of crap came out. Disney is flooding the market with these cheap low quality knock offs betting parents will buy anything that can keep their crumb monsters occupied for an hour or two.

And honestly, it’s the children I feel sorry for. God only knows what being exposed to such mediocrity at an early age will do to them. But for now, we will move the Clock forward 5 seconds since Disney has changed the meaning of “Happily Ever After” to “Happily Ever After until we need to boost the stock price.” And while this is nothing new, we haven’t addressed it before. So it’s high time.

Now, the rewards. UPN has finally put Enterprise out of its and our misery, Stargate SG-1 is bringing in stars from an original sci-fi show, Farscape, to revive their series, and the new Battlestar Galactica, while somewhat successful, is so different from the original show you wonder why they bothered with the name. Sci-fi television is looking real sad. But, there’s hope. There’s Doctor Who.

Kept going with original novels and audio adventures, the show is returning to screens after many years. The show has changed and evolved to fit the new millennium, but the same spirit is there. Hell, even the Daleks kick serious ass. What’s even better is the show is doing boffo ratings in England. It’s already been approved for two more seasons. Hopefully this success will encourage someone in the U.S. to pick it up. For proving that you can still make good science fiction television in an era of suck, the Clock loses one second.

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That’s your update. If you have any news of the media that you think should influence the Clock, feel free to comment. If you disagree with any of my pronouncements, feel free to comment as well. Just remember, if you don’t like what you read, tough. It’s my column. Start your own damn clock.