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Get Me Ian Malcolm. Now.

Gizmodo alerted us to this: dinosaurs will now hatch out of your Quaker instant oatmeal. We find it utterly disturbing that what was once a simple part of your balanced breakfast has become a nightmarish battle for human supremacy, with you armed only with a spoon and maybe–maybe–a glass of milk. Check out this page if you want to see the horror that awaits.

We need Ian Malcolm. Wait, he died. No, wait, he died in the book, not in the movie. Wait–no, he died in the book but got better. Wait–oh, just fuck it.