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It Begins Here: 700 Bands

700 Bands

For a long while, Ken and I have had a dream. And that dream involved world conquest, Miracle Whip and an albino gazelle. Sadly, that dream has not yet been realized.

Another dream hatched around the same time was to launch a list of 700 band names, much in the same vein as John Hodgman‘s definitive list of 700 hobo names. While ours could not hope to have the historical and sociological significance of Prof. Hodgman‘s, it might, we reasoned, help out some band struggling to name themselves.

It wasn’t until this weekend that our task became clear. It was this weekend that Ken and I met John Hodgman. I shook his hand and he said, “Hello, I’m John.” “I am John, too,” I replied. And in that moment I felt like we had an endorsement, a mandate…but even more than that, a mission. Ken was largely indifferent to this momentous interaction. Then I got into one cab, and Ken and John Hodgman got into another.

I haven’t seen John Hodgman since. But when I asked Ken later if we had John’s blessing, Ken said, his legendary indifference intact: “Yeah, whatever.” Which is good enough for me.

Here are the rules. These names are, to the best of our knowledge, unused. If you are already using one of these, then for Christ’s sake fire your webmaster, because you are not on the grid.

Some of these names lend themselves to certain styles. We have noted them where necessary.

If you want one of these names, you’re welcome to them. We just require that you ping us with a song or a press pic or your website or something. Then we will notate you and link you from the original post. We ask that in turn you link us from the Wikipedia post that is sure to be spawned by your inevitable success.

Here are the first five. New names every Tuesday and Thursday.

1. Murder By Fletcher

2. White Vinyl Shadows

3. The Lovers of Bea Arthur.
The first album must be called Murders in the Rue Maude.

4. Kieran Donovan and the Obnoxious Haiku.

5. The John Hodgman Experience aka The JHE.
Style: “The Appalachian ELO.” Or as Ken has dubbed it, “Blue Gas.”