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Americans for Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand

Jonathan Ross Russell Brand

I’ll let you read the Chortle article if you want the full story, but here’s the gist:

Russell Brand has…had…a radio show. Jonathan Ross was on hand to co-host. They were supposed to be chatting with Andrew Sachs, he of Fawlty Towers fame. Sachs couldn’t make it, so they proceeded to leave some messages on his answerphone…some not very nice messages. Specifically they had to do with Sachs’ granddaughter and Brand’s claims that he had known the young lady in the *cough* biblical sense.

The end result is that Brand and Ross screwed up. They shouldn’t have been leaving such messages in the first place because telling somebody’s granddad that you made the beast with two backs with them is just flat uncool. Ross didn’t help matters by using embellishments of language in the background. So an apology was in order, was given, but things have gotten a little out of hand: Brand has quit his radio show, Ross is suspended for twelve weeks from the BBC, and Ross has also had to pull out of hosting the comedy awards.

[ad#longpost]We here at are infamous for getting involved with things that either A) are none of our business, 2) are tampering with God’s domain or III) some degree of both. This isn’t exactly our business, but we figure something has to be done. And this is something. So therefore it must be done.

If Britain is so scandalized by the actions of Ross and Brand that they’re considering them “disgraced” by a joke that went overboard (and should have been stopped by the BBC admins anyway), then would like to be the first Americans to offer them a place here.

Our reasons are thus: we are in desperate need of good humor over here. Britain obviously has such a surplus because they can just crush and discard two of their best and brightest–so we figure export them to where they can be of the most service to a willing public. Also, Brand wants to make it big over here anyway.

I would like to personally extend an offer to Ross and Brand both: if they would like a home for any shenanigans, they are welcome to do it here. Yes, here at Needcoffee. Hell, we know Ross has about twelve weeks of free time. Brand looks like the type who never sleeps. Record a podcast. Blog about your vacation. Anything you like. And we promise to exert very little in the way of editorial control, but we do promise to exert it, since a little of that goes a long way…and would have gone a long way towards preventing this mess in the first place. So while we can’t offer them the millions you two are used to, we can give you a decent soapbox.

So please consider us the first to kick off Americans For Ross and Brand. Because Britain’s Puritanical silliness can be America’s comedic gain. Won’t you join us and show your support today?


  • No! Don’t take Russell. you can have Jonathan if you must, but leave russell to us Brits. He’s an Essex hero!

    I hate that so many members of our public saw fit to get involved In this and turn into such an issue…do these people really have nothing better to do than complain?

    Radio 2 won’t be the same without Russell :(

  • Now, now, Harry. Calm thyself. At the end of the day, we’re really just offering them sanctuary until you guys can calm the rest of your country down. There’s enough of Russell’s madness for everyone, I think.