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First Monkey Poop, Now Weasel Puke, What Next?

Weasel Puke Coffee

Friends, you know me. You know that there’s pretty much no type of caffeinated beverage that I won’t try. I mean, I try not to pay for anything that has artificial sweeteners in it–but I approach caffeine the same way I used to approach alcohol. “Oh, this is interesting, what is this?” I would ask, normally after having finished half of it. Lots of gusto.

But you’ll pardon me if I figure that once something has been consumed by one animal–and then ejected or rejected from that animal’s body–why would I want to drink that? What has caused me to think about this? It’s Scott sending me the information about “weasel puke coffee,” now on sale at ThinkGeek. Here’s what they have to say about it:

There’s a little animal in Vietnam which has magical properties. Locally, it’s called a weasel (though technically, it’s a type of civet, but let’s call it a weasel like the locals) and it sure likes to eat the fruit of the coffee plant. But the seeds don’t sit well in its tummy, so it vomits them up. And that’s where the fun comes in – for local coffee folks gather up the beans and lightly roast them. The stomach acids seem to wear away the bitter taste of the coffee beans, and the resulting coffee is delicious and smooth.

[ad#longpost]So basically the idea is that drinking coffee made from beans eaten and then vomited up by a bulimic weasel is a good idea? I say bulimic because let’s face it, unless it really was intentionally trying to make itself vomit, it would have figured out by now that those coffee beans = rumbly in the tumbly. Even your dog at home–okay, maybe not your dog–but most dogs will be smart enough to go, “Wow. People food? Oh wait, what is this? Oh no, not that crap again.” Unless you’re telling me that the stomach acids of the weasel make the beans so strong that they will keep you awake for forty hours at a clip–then maybe I’ll consider it. But otherwise–this does not sound appealing at all.

And it seems to keep going. We’ve got monkey poop coffee, we’ve got weasel puke coffee now…so what’s next? I decided to brainstorm about ten additional sorts of coffee that might sell well. Let’s face it–if being puked up by weasels can be an effective marketing campaign, then the sky is indeed the limit.

These are free ideas–just please credit me or send me a t-shirt or something.

Top 10 Untapped Exotic Types of Coffee Involving Animals:

Coffee that was…

1. …hand selected by great apes from a large array of coffee beans, the cast-offs are used to make Folger’s
2. …found lodged in the ears of tapirs
3. …retrieved from the carcasses of zebra by hyenas
4. …used to fill beanbags sat upon by bonobos
5. …shoved up the noses of orangutan, then sneezed out again (an actual mating ritual)
6. …called names and harassed by dolphins in their native clicking language
7. …used as paperweights by platypi
8. …washed by raccoons–which sounds good until you realize they wash them in urine
9. …carried out around by kangaroos in their pouches like you or I tote around pocket lint
10. ……sexually molested by eels

There you go. Let me know how that works out for you. Good luck!

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  • Imagine that! The best coffee in the world is from civet crap. As I mention in my blog, this is only edible because the inner bean of the berry is not even digested. But still, can you imagine telling your friends that you drank coffee from civet crap?

  • Christopher: I could imagine doing it if it met the criteria I outlined in my post–if it really was like drinking liquid speed, I could probably get over the whole civet crap business. But without that assurance–an unfortunate choice of word, I must say–I’ll pass.

  • Tried it. This is hardly the best coffee in the world, though there are plenty of people ready to profit from those who want to believe that. It’s not that bad, but it’s really not any good either.

    This is just a gag novelty for the coffee tourists with no palate for something good — so instead they seek the most expensive thing they could find with an exclusive-sounding story.

    Unfortunately, this keeps coming up in blog posts when we really should be focusing our attention on truly good coffees without the sideshow.

  • Teddy: Sadly, you’re on a website that is pretty much all sideshow. So gourmet coffee coverage is handled on plenty of other sites. Internet’s a big place, they tell me. But regardless, thanks for checking in and reporting on the coffee.

  • i grani di caffe’ non sono vomitati ma passano attraverso l’ intestino dell’ animale che non li digerisce