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This Krispy Kreme Milkshake Will Kill You If It Can

Krispy Kreme milkshake from Flip
That's right, Mr. Walls. I have been sent to keel you.

So after spending some time with the giant squid we decided to stop by Flip on the way home. Flip is a “burger boutique” here in Atlanta that we keep hearing people go on and on about so we decided to see what the shot was.

The shot first of all is that the menu is mental. An array of beef burger variations (one would let you use imported Japanese kobe beef with foie gras on top of it–$35) is there and then a bunch of other non-beef burgers like a chorizo spicy pork sausage or a turkey burger. But no, that’s not why I felt compelled to tell you about this place. I had to tell you that I flirted with death today. And death took the form of what you see there in the pic: Flip’s Krispy Kreme milkshake.

Granted, they had a foie gras milkshake as well (no lie) but I have an aversion to the concept of foie gras. Yes, say what you want about the ducks in question (I did have black bean and duck chili for a starter) but I don’t even get to that point because I just want to point out that’s eating an animal’s liver. Do you know what the liver is for? Ahem. Anyway.

I asked about this Krispy Kreme milkshake because I am fascinated by things that would be considered an affront to both God and man. And the waitress told me it was two Krispy Kreme doughnuts stuck in a blender with the makings of a vanilla milkshake.

[ad#longpost]And if you want to know what it tastes like, well, I bet you’re imagining it now. Unless for some reason you’ve never had a Krispy Kreme doughnut. In which case, let me help you out. Eating a Krispy Kreme doughnut is to sugar and fat equivalent what drinking coffee is to caffeine for me. In other words, the bit of flour involved in shaping the sugar and fat into a round shape with a hole in it is just there to deliver said fat and sugar into your body. And when you eat one, it’s like having your mouth and throat coated with a frictionless layer of sugar. And God help you if you have no milk around.

In other words, it’s up there towards the apex of guilty snacks. So dump two of those into a vanilla milkshake so that when you drink it through a straw you’re ingesting small bit of pure sugar and fat…and yeah. So of course, I ordered this. And I did not finish it. Because it is pretty much impossible (or very very inadvisable at least) to do more than sip this thing. Because the sugar rush is…formidable, shall we say. And you’re talking to a guy who has consumed stimulants for years and years. And this thing was almost frightening in its power to pry my eyelids open.

In the end, even with a to-go cup, I didn’t finish it. Because while I am insane, I’m not crazy. And the idea of exploring the Marianas Trench of all sugar crashes was rather unappealing. So try it. Here’s their website. But be prepared to split it with somebody. I’m just saying.