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Gulper Eel: A Haiku

Gulper Eel
Don't worry. This will make sense in a minute. Well. Maybe.

So it’s like this. I would say we met a new hero while at the Need Coffee Fun Fest at DragonCon this year, but frankly, you were all heroes. However. One among you was knighted by not only the Queen of the Fun Fest but she is also Empress of the Daleks–both titles look very impressive on a C.V., by the way.

When I first conceived the notion of a Bad Poetry Slam contest, incorporating bongo playing, interpretative dance and, yes, bad poetry…I had no idea that by giving the topic of “Krispy Kreme” to a trio of enterprising maniacs we would be graced with such…well, Art.


Sir Krispy Love and Bongos
Krispy Love speaks, accompanied on bongo by a friend. Okay, it's not actually a's an upside down Home Depot bucket. But it worked, right?

I look forward to getting the video and such posted so you too can appreciate the performance that just about broke me. That is Alex, aka “Krispy Love,” leading his trio of Poetry Slammers with a poem that was so good it made Wilford Brimley break down in tears. (He wasn’t in attendance that night, you understand, he can just feel sugary disturbances in The Force.) At the end of the evening both he and the Queen made it to the Showcase Showdown, and the Queen won. But she chose Krispy Love as her champion, knighted him, and sent Sir Krispy Love into battle with our collective foe: The Final Pinata.

Krispy Love vs. The Duck Dynasty Pinata
In the dictionary under the word 'glee,' you see this picture.

The battle was joined…and was quickly over.

Queen of the Fun Fest + Dead Pinata

After DragonCon, having found Sir Krispy Love on Twitter (and you can too–he’s here), this exchange happened:

It was the first thing off the top of my head. Not literally, however. Gulper eels make terrible hats.

Gulper eel trucker hat
This is not what I meant.

But Krispy Love responded with something unexpected: a haiku.

Gulper eel sounds like
painful Kama Sutra. Help!

And it was exactly what I needed.

Sir Krispy Love, if you can read this, then your next mission–your next topic, should you choose to accept it: “How lasers improve everything.” (salutes) Special thanks to Kim for snapping the majority of these pics. The good ones. The blurry ones are probably mine.