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Dear Beer Companies

Black Hole stout by MikkellerHello. Thank you for giving me lots of tasty things to drink in the time since I returned to your products. Thank you also for having more than just Killian’s Red to offer me when I returned. There is something a lot of you are doing these days that I find a little baffling, so hear me out.

You’re making the information about you, what the beer’s called, what it tastes like, etc. very hard to read on your beer labels. Take for instance the very strong stout Black Hole by Mikkeller. What is that on there, 5 point type?

Look. I get it. You want the beer label equivalent of bands that make their names un-Googleable. You also want me to pause and really take in the bottle I’m looking at. But. I am an old man now. My eyes are crap. It takes me five times as long to peruse a beer shelf if all the labels are trying to pull this stunt. And a lot of you are.

Your beers are probably tasty. (Black Hole certainly is. Although it’s so sweet and somewhat chocolately I should have bought a large brownie to soak in it.) But sometimes I just want a tasty beer and not a tasty beer that reminds me of my own mortality and encroaching decrepitude. So please, help a guy out.