The Conjuring (2013) – Movie Review

Conjuring (2013)

Written by Carey W. Hayes & Chad Hayes
Directed by James Wan

Starring Patrick Wilson, Vera Farmiga, Lili Taylor, Ron Livingston, John Brotherton

Ed and Lorraine Warren (Wilson & Farmiga) are demonologists. They help people who have no one else to turn to. They’re like The Equalizer but for people menaced by supernatural forces. They do lectures. They give interviews. They assist at exorcisms. And they have a room in their house that serves as both museum and Vault of Mysteries, keeping sinister objects locked away from the rest of the world. (Let’s draw a veil discretely over whether or not that’s a good idea.) Enter the Perrons (Taylor & Livingston) who just moved out into the country to an old house that happens to have a history. That history is now tormenting their five daughters, putting bruises on Mrs. Perron and basically it’s all turning into an episode of Homes Under the Hammer of Satan. Time for Lorraine, Ed, and Ed’s sideburns to get to work.

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Headsup: Gender Roles, Reconstruction, and the Ponderosa

What Men Want“[In What Men Want,] Ali Davis (Taraji P. Henson) is a successful sports agent who’s constantly boxed out by her male colleagues. After a wild night out with her girls, she mysteriously gains the ability to hear men’s thoughts. With her newfound power, Ali looks to outsmart her colleagues as she races to sign the next basketball superstar, but the lengths she has to go to will put her relationship with her best friends and new love interest to the test.” — from Paramount

What Men Want is now out on DVD and Blu-ray, with the latter boasting over an hour of bonus content. Extras include audio commentary with director Adam Shankman, featurettes about the characters, storyline, and guest star athletes, interviews with the cast, a gag reel, deleted and extended scenes, and a parodic “infomercial” with Erykah Badu as an eccentric psychic. The film is available now on Amazon on DVD for $14.96 and on Blu-ray for $19.96 (a significant difference in price, but when you consider all the bonus features you get by going for the Blu-ray, it may be worth it.)

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Sprite: Lymonade – Drink Review

Sprite: Lymonade

Sprite’s latest variation is to add lemonade to its already lemon-lime self, thus creating Lymonade. It at first glance doesn’t seem like a very strange chimeric concoction, especially since at the top left above the logo it boasts “Lemon-Lime & Lemonade Flavored Soda With Real Juice & Other Natural Flavors”! But then bottom right below the logo it admits “Made With 1% Real Juice.” Rarely do you see a product label boast about a feature and yet admitting that feature is pretty much meaningless on the same side of the label.

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The Post-Endgame OMGWTFFAQ

Chris Evans as Captain America with a hurting brain in Avengers: Endgame

Even Cap’s brain hurts while trying to follow everything that’s going on in Endgame

There is an awful lot to unpack in Avengers: Endgame. It is a film that creates as many questions as it does answers. In my ongoing attempt to use this site as therapy, here are my attempts to answer some of the most burning questions that will spend hours stabbing us in our brains with tiny sporks.

Obviously, MASSIVE SPOILERS for Endgame. So if you haven’t seen it, turn back now. Past the break is the point of no return.

FIRST THINGS FIRST. WHY DID THEY CALL THE SNAP “THE DECIMATION” WHEN BY DEFINITION A DECIMATION IS WHEN YOU LOSE 1/10 OF WHATEVER IS AFFECTED?

I have no goddamn clue. I suck at math and even I know that’s wrong.

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Headsup: Corruption, Cartoons, and a Whole Lotta History

Ray Donovan Season Six“[In Ray Donovan: Season Six,] we find Ray (Liev Schreiber) rebuilding his life both personally and professionally in New York City.  After being rescued from a plummet into the East River, his savior, a cop named Mac (Domenick Lombardozzi), brings Ray into the fraternity that is the Staten Island Police Department. While exploring this new world of brotherhood and corruption, Ray finds himself once again working for media mogul Sam Winslow (Susan Sarandon). Sam has teamed up with New York City mayoral candidate Anita Novak (Lola Glaudini), a partnership that puts Ray at odds with his new friends out in Staten Island.” — from CBS

Ray Donovan: Season Six is now out on DVD, which includes all twelve episodes of the sixth season as well as two featurettes (“Ray Donovan: Inside New York City” and “Rise, Rebuild, Reclamation”). You can also get the season digitally on both Amazon and iTunes for $29.99, but unless you seriously need to save some space, it basically means spending $5 more for the same (or less) content since the DVD is only $24.99 on Amazon.

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Doomsday Hound Russian Imperial Stout – Review

New Realm Doomsday Hound Russian Imperial Stout

A Russian imperial stout. A picture of a dark hellhound on the can. The name “Doomsday Hound.” It’s obvious New Realm had targeted this beer right at me. Reading these signs I took it upon myself to pick up the gauntlet they had thrown down and drink it. I…well, that metaphor just went right to hell, so never mind.

You’ve got a 9.5% ABV here and when you open it, the aroma at first makes it seems like it’s one of those UberStouts. You know the type: “I am a STOUT and I will beat you to DEATH with my UTTER STOUTNESS.” There can be too much of a good thing and these days I find that some stouts are trying to go for the extreme sport drinkers or…something. I guess those Ultra-Stouts are trying to appeal to drinkers who have destroyed their tastebuds with over-hoppyness. So I was prepared for this thing to try and punch me in the earhole.

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Rodents of Unusual Size (2017) – Movie Review

Rodents of Unusual Size movie poster

Produced & Directed by Quinn Costello, Jeff Metzler & Jeff Springer
Narrated by Wendell Pierce

So I’m going to admit something to you. If you’ve been hanging around this site for any length of time, though, it’s not exactly a shock revelation. I have a fondness for When Animals Attack films. I especially enjoy the When Giant Animals Attack sub-genre. If a week goes by where I can’t make a Food of the Gods reference, I feel like something’s spiritually wrong. Night of the Lepus is a staple of annual Halloween viewing. So when I heard there was a film about giant rodents eating Louisiana, I expected it to be ATOMIC giant rodents or stop-motion giant rodents or…something. But it was a documentary. Oh yes.

Enter…the nutria. I know it sounds like I’m about to launch into a sales pitch for a new smoothie diet mix, but no…nutria are basically what would happen if naked mole rats got sick and tired of being picked on, so they overdosed on Rogaine and steroids. These things are as big as beavers and have orange teeth. See? Orange teeth. That’s weird. They should be atomic, glowing orange teeth but no, it’s something apparently normal having to do with the enamel.

I won’t rehash the story of how the nutria came to Louisiana, because that’s part of the docu Rodents of Unusual Size. And the animated sequence towards the beginning in which Wendell Pierce (Treme, Jack Ryan) tells you the story does a much better job than I could. Suffice it to say the nutria were brought in with the best of intentions, they got loose, they were fruitful and multiplied, and now they eat vegetation which helps hold the ground together. And with the ground compromised, it has a tendency to just…wash away.

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Headsup: World War II, the Wild West, and High School

“[In The Game,] it may seem glamorous being the wife or girlfriend of a pro-football player, but Melanie Barnett (Tia Mowry-Hardrict) quickly learns the hard truth. After her boyfriend, Derwin Davis (Pooch Hall, “Ray Donovan”), gets drafted as the new third-string wide receiver for the San Diego Sabers, Melanie discovers her role is much more than supporting her beau from the sidelines. She must pick up a playbook of her own and learn the power plays that NFL wives use to get their men the best agents, managers, charity opportunities, endorsements and merchandising deals.” — from CBS

The Game: The Complete Series is now available and features all 141 episodes from all nine seasons of the show.   Bonus features (which for some reason are only on Seasons 1, 4, 5, and 6) include interviews, highlight reels, deleted scenes, gag reels, and a spin-off episode from Girlfriends: The Game.  The Game: The Complete Series is now available on DVD on Amazon for $47.79 (you can also find the individual seasons there on DVD, but if you want more than two or three on the shelf, getting the set is by far the better option cost-wise).

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This Just In: Invasion Info, Demonic Recipes, & Happy Dogs That Could Kick Your Ass

Neptune Monograph

It’s no secret that I’m fascinated by both (as of this writing, there have been only two) World Wars. Simply because about six months or so, I learn some new insane fact about the conflicts. Nothing so far has beaten aircraft carrier submarines, though. So when I saw the Kickstarter for The Neptune Monograph Project, I leapt on it. This is the document that was used for D-Day planning and was the highest level of Top Secret (BIGOT) they had (except for Double Secret BIGOT). The end result is badass and the sort of thing you can data geek out on for weeks. There are descriptions of German fortifications. There are charts about tides and info on the type of ground they’re going to hit when they arrive. There’s a level of info that…well, I have no idea how they pulled together this much stuff. I couldn’t do it today with Google Fu. So basically it’s an important WWII document that is now fully restored for posterity and uses its blank pages to provide historical context. If you really want to deep dive on the subject, you can’t get much deeper than this. If you need one for yourself, there’s still a couple left being sold over at Amazon.

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