SumoSac

So a couple of years ago we were graced with Sumo and Otto, the giant beanbag pillow and accompanying ottoman, that you could use to lounge about. Now it turns out that Sumo has gone after their beanbags with the comfy stick and beaten them severely. Not only have they walloped them so hard that they’re softer now, the poor things have swollen and are ginormous.

Allow me to explain. This new version is called the SumoSac. And I wrote that entire first paragraph knowing that it would take you that long to get all of the obvious jokes out of your mind, and you know they’re obvious if I’m letting you tell them to yourself and not going there.

The New Sumo, let’s call it, is a distinct improvement over its older, smaller brother. The original Sumo was good for lying about on and was, no doubt, comfy. It was filled with foam beads (I say was, it hasn’t gone anywhere) and made out of nylon. The New Sumo is dangerous in that it’s filled with “100% shredded furniture grade urethane foam.” We can attest to that. The cover, which is micro suede, zips on and then zips off if you need to wash it–it is machine washable. Just like the original Sumo, it’s shipped compressed, but not as compressed as the original because it’s freaking huge. More on that in a minute. But suffice to say you don’t want to be carrying it long distances by your lonesome in its compressed form.

Why is it dangerous? Because it’s ridiculously comfy. It makes the original feel like a regular chair. It’s like parking your ass in a marshmallow. Not that I’ve ever had the pleasure, mostly because they don’t make marshmallows for non-industrial use that are this size. We thought with the original you could pass out from lying on it–but this one has hypnotic qualities that make you want to curl up and sleep for three days. This is me, who hates sleep, telling you this. So you know I’m not screwing around.

The reason it’s so damn comfy is that foam. And because of that foam, the thing won’t decompress. Even if you wanted it to, it wouldn’t. So you will have a ginormous bean bag (or rather, foam bag) for forever. And that’s the one true caution about buying one of these.

I was startled to go to the website when writing this up and finding out that I don’t think Sumo even sent me the largest model–the Giganator. I think I just have a Sultan. And you can see me sitting on it in the picture up there. Thing’s massive. And next to it? Yes, that’s the original Sumo. So you need to understand that the dimensions on the website? They are not kidding around. Just the model I have, pictured, would take up the majority of some dorm rooms I’ve seen. But it appears that they have several sizes and have even gone back and Sac’ed, so to speak, the original Sumo, so it too is now uber-comfy. And come to think of it, this would be comfier than most dorm room beds, so just chuck those out the window and replace them with this.

So to sum up–lethally comfy mutant pillow chair. Will remove your ability to get up and be productive, so use caution when saying, “Oh, I’ll just lie down for five minutes.” You damn well won’t. Can be ordered big enough to fill a VW Bug. So choose wisely. But if you’re looking for something like this, you’d be nuts not to snag one from Sumo. Check out the website here.