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The Six Million Dollar Eye

Bionic Eye

The Telegraph reports that soon we’ll be able to replace the lens of your eye with a flexible artificial lens. This would take the place of hard artificial lenses or even that laser surgery crap that some of you seem to dig.

My vision is terrible. Without my contact lenses in right now, I would not be able to see the screen. Or the keyboard. Or the table. Or know what room of the house I was in. I am being only about 2% hyperbolic and I’ve met people who are full-on legally blind their vision, what of it they have left, is so bad. But I have people ask me from time to time: “Widge, why have you lit me on fire again?” And I say, “You’re getting off topic. You were supposed to ask me about my vision.” And they ask, while they stop, drop and roll, “Widge, why don’t you get Lasik surgery or something?” And they always bring up the cost savings. In the long run, I’ll save in lenses and saline solution. Honestly, this is what they say. When they’re not screaming for a fire extinguisher.

And my response is generally that I would rather shell out the bucks every so often to get new lenses and contact juice rather than risk somebody working with a goddamn laser in my freaking eyes. “Oh, but Widge: it’s 99.99999% safe!” But I’m fairly certain I would be the .00001. So forget it.

And I probably won’t go for a bionic eye when they’re available either. I don’t want people peering through a hole in the back of my head.


1 comment

  • At least you have the option. My eye doc said that they would have to cut so much from my lens, it would fly apart and gape wide open.