PLEASE NOTE: “As an Amazon Associate, [Need Coffee] earns from qualifying purchases." You know we make money from Amazon links,
and I know you know this, but they make us say it anyway. More info, click here.

DC Universe Online Writer Announced!

DC Universe Online Logo

Geoff Johns has been announced as the scribe for the “back story” of the DC Universe Online “massively multiplayer action game” coming out from Sony.

When asked about the MMAG label, an unidentified source who was either a DC Comics editor or a hot dog vendor or both said, “We didn’t want to call it a ‘massively multiplayer online role playing game’ because people don’t want roles to play. They want action. And darkness. And hot dogs.”

Why does the DC game need a back story? Aren’t the comics the back story?

[ad#longpost]”Have you tried to read our comics recently? They’re shite. Nobody actually reads them for the story anymore. I think people just imagine whatever story they want and then read that into whatever story’s actually on the page. How else do you explain Identity Crisis selling at all?” Our source said. “You sure you don’t want a hot dog?”

Jim Lee has signed on as executive creative director for the game with the stipulation that Frank Miller be let nowhere near him for this project.

“Taking comic books into the online space presents an exciting and unique opportunity for me as a writer,” said Johns. “I’m looking forward to creating a thrilling story that explains why the DC Universe has suddenly been populated with millions of new heroes and villains in a way that will engage players.”

Is there any truth to the rumor that Grant Morrison will at one point will enter the game as himself in order to become the first comic book writer to go from the real world to the printed page and then into the digital world or some meta-bullshit that nobody understands without drugs?

“We thought about doing a sort of Grant as Anti-Monitor thing with Brad Metzler as the Psycho-Pirate. But then we called it off,” our source said, inhaling a weiner. “And if Grant tries to do it anyway, we’ve got John Ostrander on speed dial. He’s killed him once before, so I think we’re good.”

Gamers everywhere rejoice in the notion that soon eight-year-olds will be creating more interesting storylines than DC. More on this as we get it in or make it up, as was some of the case here.