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Wayhomer Review #156: The Lone Ranger (2013)

Johnny Depp as Tonto from The Lone Ranger (2013)

It’s Episode #156 for The Lone Ranger, in which our protagonist wishes Tonto would just wear a hat or something, thinks that horse poop is a great barometer of an age range a film is shooting for and lastly…he feels really, really bad for the Reid family.

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Special thanks to PhantomV48 for the closing animation.

Previous episode here.


  • Pirates sequels were utter narrative chaos. They didn’t make a lick of sense. WHO WAS THE PROTAGONIST?


  • I don’t recall saying that I enjoyed them. I also don’t recall saying anything about hair bands. You may have mistaken me for Tuffley. It happens. Future reference: he has no beard.

  • The best reviewer line, from the “New York Times”, exhaustively bad.


    Totally agree with you on this film, Widge. It didn’t know if it wanted to be Pirates of the OLD WEST, of Last of the Mohicans Lite. You can’t go from Johnny Depp hamming it up to someone getting their heart cut out and eaten. It just really seemed schitzophrenic. It lived down to my exceedingly low expectations. I think the bird on the head was so he would look more like Captain Jack Sparrow in profile (really, he did!)

    On a serious note, don’t spread any 80’s hair bands. Think of the children!

  • Anonymous: can I pick Option C: Head Injury instead? Wow, that’s a tough one. On one hand, this at least had Johnny Depp, who was fun to watch even when he was lost. On the other hand, the only good thing about Green Hornet was James Franco’s cameo. So, just for length of screentime, I’d have to go with this one.

  • 0:14 Why? Political correctness and ego, a terrible combination.15:10 Actually, it *was* Seth Rogen’s fault, the Green Hornet was *his* vision.

  • Are you saying that I’m being politically correct? If so, it didn’t really hold up, as Depp’s Tonto is the only thing in the film remotely worth watching. And really, if the main thing about role is that it’s a Native American, I think it’s reasonable to question why you would completely ignore that. And Hornet may have been Rogen’s vision to begin with, but in the film he carried himself like somebody who once had a vision, but then the vision got away from him. It’s like watching somebody think they can handle swimming with sharks and then they jump in and you actually feel sorry for them.

  • I don’t know, Widge…. Blazing Saddles with more explosions sounds kind of promising…