To: Needcoffee Staff
Subject: Time Travel Abuse 2, Electric Boogaloo
You know, it was bad enough when you all were fucking around with the causal nexus and trying to rewrite history. But now it seems someone is trying to make some off the books cash with the time machine. Some posters were accidentally delivered to my office (Side note: If anyone gets the Shunga prints I ordered, send them to my office ASAP). I included an example with this memo. The posters promise to take the traveler to the locations in the past and the future.
Look, I don’t want to be a bastard about this. You all must remember that, like a regular car, every trip in the time machine causes wear and tear. And it’s not like we can take it to the local Jiffy-Lube. Servicing the flux capacitor or relative dimensional stabilizer before its regular 5,000 year check-up is not cheap. I’ve sent the posters to 826LA, a nice nonprofit group that helps teach kids from 6 to 18 creative writing. They’ll sell them at their store and maybe the next generation of writers won’t be so remake-happy.
And I shall end by reiterating: the time machine is not a toy.
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