To: Needcoffee Staff
Subject: Time Travel Abuse 3, The Return of The Jedi
And you were all doing so well. It’s been a couple of years since the unfortunate incident with Pac-Man and the off-the-books time travel agency. But you couldn’t resist screwing around with the time machine, could you?
I know we all have our issues with the alien android duplicate of George Lucas. Han shot first, the prequels, and now reformatting Star Wars for 3-D, I get it. But we can’t go after everyone who takes a cherished childhood media property and remake, re-imagine, or reboot them for shameless profit and/or ego. We would never have any time to update Needcoffee.com and our fans depend on us. We cannot abandon them on some futile crusade. Not to mention the massive causality paradoxes made by altering history to disenfranchise those guilty.
Now, I will admit that I thought the plan to introduce Star Wars to Edo period Japan so Kurosawa would be inspired and create the Trilogy before Lucas was clever and ironic. But messing with The Web of Time is not worth it. You don’t want to be the spiders it attracts.
So please remember, history is not an Etch-A-Sketch.