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06.23.08 by Widge @ 5:46 am  Oh, Starbucks, what have you done? This is their new coffee energy beverage. I snagged both the mocha and the vanilla flavored variations. They sport guarana (90mg), ginseng (325mg) and B vitamins (200% of your B6 RDA and 100% of your B12 RDA). No word about how much caffeine on the can, but Energy Fiend (the authority on such matters), tells us that 225mg awaits you in each one. Trouble is, they taste like ass. How to describe the experience of trying to drink these things to you… Let's see: imagine you've tried to laminate the inside of your mouth and throat with a terrible plastic that tastes of sweet chemicals. Nay, not tried. Succeeded. You sip and you think surely, surely this can't be right. And it's not. Because when I say laminate, I mean you're going to be stuck with this dreadful fake taste in your mouth for a while afterwards. Best of luck with that. Categorized as: Drinks and Reviews
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06.07.08 by Widge @ 9:01 pm  Well, frankly, I didn't even know they had a "passion fruit" variation of Jolt, but I've been fond of Jolt since high school, so I figured I'd give it a go. It comes in their 23.5 oz. battery can, which I still get amused by. As for how it tastes...well, it's got the regular Jolt underpinnings but with the passion fruit taste laid over the top of it instead of the cola taste. You probably could have guessed that without me having to relate it to you, but that's not the end of it. The fact is it does feel like it's just laid over the top of it. It's not necessarily a taste that makes you run for the exits, like something with Splenda in it, for example. But it's not exactly the sort of drink you'd pine for after it was gone. It's just...sort of there. Doesn't do a lot to impress. Perhaps if you're a big fan of passion fruit, this might crank your tractor more than it did mine. But the taste just simply doesn't thrill me. It just seems like some sort of generic fake fruity flavor on my tongue. Speaking of cranking, Energy Fiend (the net authority on such matters), tells us that we're looking at 220mg of caffeine for this can (which says it contains 3 servings). But I didn't feel that much of a pickup, even after drinking the whole thing. Granted, even after my stint away from caffeine for medical reasons, I felt no real surge from this at all. Those with less tolerance might have a better time with it. While I applaud Wet Planet and Jolt for screwing around with flavor experiments, I'd take the original over this any day of the week.
Categorized as: Drinks and Reviews
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06.05.08 by Widge @ 12:20 pm  Superman has Lex Luthor. Spider-Man has The Green Goblin. Wolverine has Sabretooth. Except when Sabretooth is a good guy, and then Wolverine has whoever's fault the goddamn bone claws were. Anyway, my point is that every great hero has his antithesis, his Other, his archfoe. And it looks like Red Bull and Jolt are going to have to fight over who gets this one: Drank. Instead of caffeine, guarana and taurine, Drank comes with melatonin, valerian root and rose hips. It's apparently based on a drink called "Purple Drank," which includes cough syrup. I must say that I agree with the commenter on The Consumerist (where we found this), who thought we already had an anti-energy drink called "beer." And as silly as it sounds to have an anti-energy drink--I don't know about you, but I don't need any help getting sleepy--at least it has a purpose that makes sense. What gets me are the alcoholic energy drinks. Mixing a depressant and a stimulant would seem to me to put you right back where you started--utterly pointless. Categorized as: Drinks
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06.04.08 by Widge @ 3:03 am  I'm a little alarmed that we've gotten so collectively dim that we have to have Men's Health telling us that eating a Baskin Robbins Large 32oz. Heath Bar milkshake might be a leading cause of somebody getting rather large. As though this were news. The very words "Heath Bar milkshake" give you 60 calories, and since I've typed it twice so far, I'm well and truly fucked for this post. (And I'm not sure who I'm saying is collectively dim--is it men due to the fact it's in Men's Health? Not certain.) Anyway, they've put together a list of drinks that more than likely are contributing to your waistline if you're drinking them. It's a good idea to watch your sugar intake anyway. Notice I said watch as in be aware, not necessarily cut back on it--if you're cool with what you're drinking, then rock on. But if you're concerned about being large--as I am--I'm sick of being "the Great Ebon Whale"--then sugary drinks might be a place to look. In addition to their Drink This Not That feature (which is rather helpful if you are aware that the drinks are too sugary and you want alternatives), I would suggest learning to drink your coffee black. I did. Also, if you're more concerned about buzz than sugar, then caffeinated water is always a nice alternative. Or Foosh. Categorized as: Drinks
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06.03.08 by Widge @ 3:14 am 
So what's the selling point of the Wet Mango Exotic Energy Drink, apart from the...ahm...rather provocative can art there? Well, the name's accurate--it's mango flavored. In fact, that's what differentiates it from every other energy drink out there...since you can taste a regular energy drink underneath that. The mango taste is nice from the standpoint that it is different from every other energy drink on the market, but only just. Not that I expect any huge breakthroughs in energy drink taste (since taste for most of us is secondary to the oomph provided), mind you. The one thing I would change would be to have the mango flavor be a real mango flavor. As it stands, the ingredient is listed as "Artificial Flavor 'Mango'," with the quotes around "Mango" being a little off-putting. You'd think that would be an enhanced selling point as well: "with all natural mango flavor." Or something. Also, oomph provided was no more than I would get from a similarly sized can energy drink. So again, if you just want a slightly different taste, Wet Mango might work for you. Categorized as: Drinks and Reviews
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