Brawndo: The Thirst Mutilator

It’s sort of hard to go wrong when reviewing a drink like Brawndo. First of all, it’s a joke drink based on a film that hardly anyone watched. By extension, a drink that’s hard to take seriously isn’t really going to have a review that should be taken seriously. And second, when the “commercial” for the drink states that it tastes like copulating with a semi, well, it’s set the drinker’s expectations low enough where if it lives up to its claim, well, can you blame the reviewer for saying the advertising was true?

Of course, one would have to admit to knowing what making love to a semi truck would taste like in the first place in order to state that the comparison was accurate, but that’s something we shan’t think much on.

I was afraid that the drink would, in fact, taste as promised. Especially since it sports sucralose, which, if you’ve been reading this site for any length of time, you know I believe in all honesty is the seed of Satan. Anyway, the drink itself is greenish, and it tastes citrusy-limey and not actually unpleasant. The sucralose is there but the terrible aftertaste of the stuff is tempered enough that this is the first sucralose-sweetened energy drink I’ve actually finished. So that’s pretty high praise. Most of them just get poured down the drain after two sips they’re so damn nasty.

Which means that if you actually like sucralose or even can tolerate more than I do, then you’ll probably dig the hell out of this. Also, if your caffeine tolerance isn’t as high as mine, this will probably give you a decent boost, what with 200mg of caffeine in it plus guarana and electrolytes (because plants crave them). I barely felt anything, but then again, I’m me and usually get double that caffeine dose just to relax enough to go to bed.

Fans of the movie will want a can for their shelf, and again, fans of energy drinks wanting something different might even drink it regularly.

Where to Find Stuff